Sergeant Johnson's New Gig
by Elder Dragon Izanagi
Summary: Avery Johnson has seen and survived it all. Covenant, Insurrectionists, the Flood. But after the betrayal of a certain insane Monitor leads to his death on the Ark, something extraordinary happens. By mysterious means, the one-man legend inexplicably finds himself alive and well in the beautiful magic-filled land of Equestria. What things await in store for him there?
1. Limbo

**A/N: Being a devoted Halo fanatic, I just had to write this sooner or later. **

* * *

Falling into a profound sleep from the wounds inflicted upon him by the traitorous Forerunner Ancilla 343 Guilty Spark, Johnson poured over the long, battle-filled life he had lived. The entirety of the Human-Covenant War played out in his mind, all the way from the fateful First Contact on Harvest, to the opening of the portal at Voi and the battle on and above the Ark.

He recalled all the brave men and women he's lead and served with for the past three decades. The sacrifices, the emotions, the bold, catchy speeches, the explosions, and above it all, the triumphant, blazing fire of humanity. No matter how hard the the Covenant had pushed and burned and killed, they couldn't stop the ending of the War in their defeat. They could never extinguish the collective sparks of those whose fought and died to protect everything they knew.

All of this and more flowed through Johnson's mind. However, something else, something_foreign_, was lingering on the fringes of his mind. It was an alien presence with a dream-like quality, seeming benevolent and feminine in nature. Johnson's unconscious mind could hardly even register its existence, let alone put a description or proper name to it. He had never experienced nor encountered such a being or force in all his life.

Regardless of how he was able to perceive things within his dying mind, he was helpless to know of the events occurring in the world without. Johnson's limp form slid off the platform as it tilted to one side and began to fall into the abyss below, while the Control Room of Installation 04B shook itself apart as if gods themselves sought the facility's demise. As both Installations tore each other apart in the resulting explosions, something– the presence Johnson had detected earlier–took advantage of the vast amounts of energy being unleashed to break through the barriers between worlds and reenter the unconscious mind of the Sergeant, whose nervous system was only half-way through the process of shutting down.

Whatever the being was, it apparently approved of and possibly even admired what it saw in his mind, and decided to extract his essence, personality, and memories before they became permanently irretrievable. Now, all it would need to do is...

"Ahhh, what the hell...What's this freaky thing in ma head?! Didn't I just _die?_ I... I can't feel my teeth! Oh wait, I never could..." Johnson shouted in his head, confused and perhaps a little annoyed.

In the entity's efforts to extract him, it had inadvertently awoken the human's mind.

_"Curses! We could have sworn this would go a lot more smoothly than this. Hmpf, no matter. You there, human!"_ The being said in a feminine voice, addressing Sergeant Johnson directly for the first time.

Johnson heard it clearly, as it seemed to echo through his mind. While he couldn't detect nor feel his body at the moment, he unexplainably felt like he was still alive. "What? Is this...Am I in limbo? Are you the Almighty or something? If ya don't mind me saying so Lord, you sound like a sexy woman!"

The being did not speak for a moment, remaining quiet as Johnson probed around the inside of what he assumed to be his mind. It was as if he were trying to find a light switch in the middle of a dark forest. At last, the feminine voice replied back. _"We beg your pardon? Dost thou not know who we are? Allow us to introduce ourselves, then. Thou art hearing the royal voice of Luna, co-ruler of Equestria and Princess of the Night!"_

"Ha, ha-ha! I always knew you were a funny one, Lord! Now uh, is this about me dying and activating your gigantic Anti-Sonofabitch Machine Hoolahoop thingy, or is there something else ya need the good Sergeant for?"

Luna's voice was hesitant at first, before replying. _"We do not understand what you mean by this..'Hoolahoop' of which you speak. Thou art in this state between death and life now for the sole reason that we have seen your exploits, analyzed your abilities and traits, and saw fit to alter fate in thine favor, Avery Junior Johnson. We would like you to fight alongside us in protecting our land of Equestria from grave threats."_

Sergeant Johnson was unsure of how to react to this realization. "So, you mean to say that I'm not actually _dead?_ I'm still alive?" Luna shook her unseen head. _"Erm, not technically. You are deceased, but not in the conventional meaning of the word. Your body is dead, but thanks to us, your essence is preserved. We can bring you back, but there is but one catch."_

"Well, to hell with it, hook or not, go ahead. I suppose I'll play Sir Lancelot for ya and protect the land, but only if I get some big shiny helmet and some decent cigars in return! Now resurrect me dammit, _I'm too pretty to die!_"

Princess Luna chuckled. _"Very well then. You will be resurrected in your body as it was just prior to your being wounded, but take heed! Thou shalt not be in the same location. Indeed, you will be in a whole another dimension!"_

"Well then, 'Princess Luna' with the _sexy voice_, I don't care if you end up teleporting me to goddamn Candy Land, or the inside of Lord Hood's personal bathroom, you might as well work your magic then. What other choice do I have?!"

Accompanied by a magical whirring noise as energies began to form around Johnson's dreamlike out-of-body experience, Luna's voice addressed Johnson once more._ "It is done. Momentarily, you will find yourself alert, healthy, and in control of your newly reconstructed body as you begin your fall to Equestria."_

"Sweet, Princess. But do ya mind telling me what on Earth is the catch? Did you just say something about a _fall?!_"

_"Oh yes, about that."_Luna paused, putting her two hooves together nervously, although of course Johnson could not see this. _"We may have...made a few, __tiny_ errors on our trans-dimensional coordinates. You are going to land straight on the snow-filled summit of a mountain upon your teleportation in."

Luna continued, her voice being slowed down by her growing nervousness. _"The summit might also be home to a dragon or two."_

"Say _what?!_" Johnson exclaimed.

_"Err...but on the bright side, we shall see your true skills as a warrior, is that not so?"_ Johnson said nothing back for a moment, recalling a certain time flying down to New Mombasa.

_For a brick, he flew pretty good!_

"Terrific." The Sergeant finally replied sarcastically.

* * *

**A/N: Someone over on FIMFiction pointed out to me that I reverted to Johnson's earlier Halo 1-Halo 2 personality while I had him in his serious Halo 3 personality at the beginning, there is an explanation for that. It is simply that his death and revival is resulting in him having personality conflicts, much like how when someone takes a massive blow to the head, then forgets things or has a personality change. Serious Johnson ****_will_**** pop up from time to time when appropriate. **

**IMPORTANT: An incident on FIMFiction almost resulted in this story's deletion. I had to rewrite Chapter One to not have the Halo 3 ending scene with Johnson's death and dialogue. For consistency, I have likewise modified it on here. Sorry for the inconvenience!**

**Thanks for reading! **


	2. Skyfall

Light was the first thing Sergeant Johnson detected as he exited his dream-like state and into what had to be reality. The light was almost blinding. That was not the worst of it, however.

What really kicked Johnson's mind into gear was an itch. A most profound, unbearable, itch.

"Where the hell did you teleport me, Princess? Do you people live in some kind of world made entirely of fluffy-puffy wool sweaters?"

Promptly, Luna's disembodied voice replied back to him through the air. _"Nay, Sergeant. The intense itching sensations you are experiencing are simply your body being reconstructed. You have to forgive us, for the process requires massive amounts of magic be spent. As such, the energies are going to leave your skin feeling...rather prickly. Fear not though, it should subside momentarily."_

Moving his eyes around to take a closer look at his body, Johnson was left completely taken aback. Sure enough, his right arm was now there as normal, while the rest of his left arm, much of his waist, and his legs all were surrounded by a beautiful golden aura.

The entire process could likely only properly be described as the opposite of disintegration. As the gold swirls of energy continued on with their motions, Johnson found that it had perfectly reconstructed his armor as well, everything down to the patches, insignias, straps, and even pouches.

When the energy ceased, Johnson stood up on whatever surface he was one, inspecting the results of the energy's work. "Well would you look at that?" Johnson remarked. "Now I really have seen everything!" He rolled his shoulders around and wiggled his fingers about, looking at his body with newfound admiration.

Johnson then flexed his biceps like a professional body builder, somehow looking far more imposing then one."I feel like a new _MAN!_" He exclaimed.

Princess Luna cleared her throat._ "Technically you are now, Sergeant Johnson, considering the new body. Fair warning to you however, thou shalt prepare. You are almost fully teleported here, and you should be commencing your descent down to Equestria any second now!"_

This brought Johnson's attention away from his body and finally to his new surroundings. Long gone were the silver and blue walls of Forerunner structures, or the glow and other worldly chiming of holographic control panels.

Instead, Johnson now found himself suspended in what he could only describe as a cobalt-colored bubble shield...one that was apparently floating in the air. The Sarge ventured a glanced at the surface beneath his feet, and he almost got vertigo. All Johnson could observe was a sea of white clouds, with the occasional smudge of green showing through breaks in the cloud layer, providing tiny glimpses into the world that laid in wait below.

_"My...magic...cannot...hold you in the shield anymore, Sergeant." Luna warned between labored breaths. "You are on...your own for now, BRACE THYSELF!"_

"Goddamit, I'm not _that_ aerodynamic, Princess..._waaah!_" The Marine Sergeant's voice gave way to a shriek of full blown panic as the solid surface of magical energy he rested upon quickly began to flicker and dissipate. The wind blew in his face, as gravity inevitably took hold.

Following Luna's advice, Johnson braced himself. Thanks to his NavSpecWar training alongside the techniques granted by Project ORION, instead of flailing his arms about frantically like the average civilian would, Johnson knew to adjust his body while plummeting. This gave him the invaluable ability to slightly modify his speed and trajectory as he prepared for a likely rough landing.

It would be rough, but nothing is rough enough to stop something like the Sergeant for long.

Johnson calmed down as he neared the cloud layer. "Never thought I'd have the opportunity to get a face full of cloud. I wonder if they're of the warm and buttery type like how Auntie Marcille always said."

_"Actually Johnson, they are. Some of the pegasi often talk of it fondly during their weather patrols. Tis one of the perks of possessing wings."_ Luna declared jovially, recalling nights she would spend flying over Canterlot after raising the Moon.

Of course, Johnson had no idea what Luna was talking about. "Pegasi...what in the... Are you yanking my chain, Princess?"

_"Oh...you don't know about us do you, hmm that's right..."_ Far from Johnson's sight Luna frowned and nervously put a hoof to her chin. _"Well, thou shall see for thine self our true nature when you make your way to Canterlot"_

"Oh c'mon now. You brought me back to life, and I agreed to help your people in their quest to kick some...alien, err..whatever your fighting's ass. So, why don't we throw off the masquerade costumes and silly jokes, and show each other our fine, _fine_ bodies!" Johnson was grinning, and his teeth nearly made a 'ding' noise from their exquisite shiny brilliance.

Luna blushed, unsure of how to continue the conversation amidst the Sergeant's...flattery._"First thing's first Sergeant: Landing! We are tracking you, but unfortunately we have to look into something before we can speak with you again. You are on your own for now. Oh, and you should be at the cloud layer...NOW!"_

Clouds gave way without resistance as the Sergeant blazed through them at dazzling speeds. Johnson squinted his eyes as he went. _"This day just keeps getting better and better. Ha, ha! Auntie, Princess, you were both right. Now all I need is some friggin' popcorn, and I'm happy as a...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!"_

Something roughly Johnson's size and winged nearly collided with him. "WHOA, what the hey?" It stopped to look at Johnson's quickly descending form. "Watch where you're flying you bozo!" The creature shouted, agitated.

"Boy, did you just call me a... Wait! What, a freaking _flyin' horse?_ Princess you weren't joking were you?" He coughed as condensed water vapor got into his throat.

"Hey you, pegasus! Yeah, I'm talking to you! Don't just hang up there gawkin', SAVE MY ASS from the mean forces of GRAVITY!" Johnson exclaimed. Luna's voice was absent at the moment as the Princess had stated. The pegasus he had nearly collided with however, had heard him, and decided to investigate.

"You mean you _can't fly?_ Just flap your wings, how hard could it be!" The mare said incredulously as she watched him fall away.

"Do you see any wings on ma back, smart ass?" Johnson shouted back, his voice now difficult to hear from the distance between the two.

The pegasus sighed angrily. Her mane billowed in the wind and the sunlight shined off her cyan coat as she suddenly soared towards the human at near record speed. She snatched him up with her hooves, holding him just under his arm pits. The effort caused her to grunt with exertion as she struggled to descend carefully with Johnson's weight pulling her down with him. To any onlooker the scene would have appeared rather awkward, if not amusing to watch.

"What in...Celestia's name...are you..._GNAH!_...doing in the air...if you don't have...wings?!" The pegasus inquired, panting frantically. Johnson scoffed. "Maybe you should have a chat with your Princess Luna about that. She's the one with the angel voice who teleported me up into your stratosphere in the first place!"

"Whoa...you know...Princess Luna?...That's...ughhh!...That's kinda awesome!" The mare replied, still hauling Johnson down through the clouds. "Yeah, I bet it is. Now, enough chit-chat. This isn't as fun as it looks!"

Catching the pegasus' attention, Johnson pointed towards the nearest mountain peak. "That there gigantic piece o' rock is probably where Princess Luna said I would end up landing. So, get my ground-loving ass over there in one piece, and you can be on your merry loving way or wherever."

His pegasus guardian expressed her compliance merely with an affirmative grunt as they continued their fall. Johnson looked up at her and nodded, satisfied. "Alright then, _GO, GO, GO!_" She groaned irritably and increased her rate of descent as the summit of Canterlot mountain loomed ever closer.

They pegasus and the human sergeant were both well below the majority of the cloud systems now, and Johnson was finally able to witness the breathtaking view of Equestria that spread out before him.

The mountain they were heading towards sat on its own in the middle of the land. Johnson was just barely able to make out what looked like a massive city leaning out of one of the slopes of the mountain. It's towers, spires, marble walls, and waterfalls all gleamed in the sun as if the city were a great sentinel keeping watch over the land.

Spreading outwards from the mountain, was the verdant dark green of Equestria's forests, the gold and light green of fields and meadows, and the gentle azure of rivers and lakes.

The shape of a medium-sized town in a large valley dozens of miles from the mountain city was also seen by Johnson. It was situated around the wide bend of a river that traced its origin to the mountain, and ran Southwest, past a dark jungle-like forest and an imposing gorge or canyon. The river ended abruptly at a small delta spilling into an ocean, the edge of which the Sergeant could scarcely even see due to the vast distance.

A great desert spread out in the distant south, and nothing but more mountains dominated the horizon on the North, Northwest, and Northeast.

Looking back at the town, Johnson thought that the buildings appeared rather quaint, but quite cozy and welcoming in their design.

"Well I'll be a..." If the Sergeant had a cigar in his mouth, it would likely fall. "This place makes the surfaces of the Ark and the Halo hoolahoops look like Chicago Industrial on a bad day. I would know, _I grew up there!_"

The pegasus broke her focus from carrying the both of them to reply. "Where the heck...is Chicago? And what...the hey... _are you_, to begin with?"

Johnson replied with a tsk-tsk noise. "How about we just start with names, tinker bell! What's yours?"

"It's not tinker bell...I can tell you that much..." The mare replied with a dangerous but exhausted voice. Recalling his earlier colorful language, "But, you certainly seem like a...uhh...bold sort. I like that. Name's Rainbow Dash! I'm a pegasus...obviously. Future Wonderbolt, and probably the fastest flier who ever lived, thank you very much!" Johnson chuckled at her haughtiness, nodding in approval and looking up at Dash's rainbow-colored mane.

"That name suits you quite fine, Rainbow Dash. I, am what you'd call a Type-52, DIRECTED WHOOPASS CANNON! Just point me in the direction of the enemy, and pull the trigger. Jokes aside, I'm one of the protectors of mankind, a human solider, and Sergeant Major in the beloved UNSC Marine Corps! Avery Junior Johnson's the name, and Covie ass-kicking's the game..." Johnson sighed sadly for a moment, finally pondering recent events. "...or at least it was."

Between ragged breaths, Rainbow Dash was just able to let out a friendly laugh. "A...soldier? You know what...Johnson, I...like ya..._Phew!_...already! We seem to have a lot in common. But don't go around calling me 'Tinker Bell'! It sounds too..._ugh_...wimpy."

The Sergeant chuckled again, reverting to his cheerful attitude. "Look at me, just now falling through Equestria's sky, and already making its ladies fall heads over heels by ma infinite charm!"

By now, the awkward duo were finally nearing the mountain peak, and the pegasus could finally slow down enough to catch her breath and talk normally for the most part. "Ha, ha wise guy. Keep dreaming." Rainbow Dash said, largely unimpressed.

"Trust me, I know what the ladies like." Johnson replied suggestively with a grin.

Rainbow Dash resisted the urge to face-hoof, for obvious reasons. "We're close to the peak. If I try to carry you anywhere further down than past that snow bank there, I'll wear out and drop both of us to our deaths! Would you like me to take the express route down, or would you prefer we fall like a brick?"

_"MIND READER!"_ Johnson jeered, looking up at Dash incredulously. "Send us on the_expresssss_ way down, If you'd be so kind!"

Not being able to physically, Rainbow Dash mentally shrugged instead. "Alrighty, express it is then...too bad ya don't have a sled!" Flying them over to the large, soft snow bank atop the craggy summit, Dash began to tighten her grip on Johnson. "Okay, ready?"

"Rainbow, I WAS BORN READY!"

She responded with an amused chuckle and started counting down. "Three...two... ONE! Here...here we go!"

"Get some!" Johnson roared as Rainbow Dash soared towards the snow, eager to make impact before her strength completely left her. The human and the pegasus both landed face-first, side by side in the fluffy powder. The snow had broken their falls almost perfectly.

Sergeant Johnson pulled himself up and out of it with a groan, quickly looking to Rainbow's prone form beside him. He put his hands to his hips as he analyzed her. _The pegasus must be one powerful cookie if she were able carry myself so far. Impressive._ He thought.

"Damn good work soldier, now on your feet...er hooves! We're movin' out!"

With her own muzzle still partially buried in the snow, Rainbow Dash could only mumble and groan in return, not looking at him. "Oh, can't I just lay here for awhile. I've been carrying...how much do you weigh Johnson?"

"Two hundred and ten pounds of grade 'A' grunt-eating testosterone! Them little pint-sized bastards can smell us a mile away and go running for the hills if their split-chin overlords aren't around." Johnson dug into one of his pouches, and to his astonishment, discovered that Luna had even been able to recreate his lighter and cache of cigars.

The Sarge lit a cigar and took a few puffs as he continued to regard Rainbow Dash. She shot up upon hearing the numerical value of his weight, and gawked at him.

"Gosh, you coulda _killed me_, making me carry that much!"

In response, Johnson took another puff, and blew out a perfect ring of smoke. "And yet, here we are. All in one piece."

Hearing that, Rainbow Dash frantically got up and looked around her body. "Crap, I can't hardly feel my wings, or my forehooves! Are they alright! I barely even feel my face!" Sure enough, the skin of the mare's face was flushed red beneath her cyan fur. Johnson stifled a laugh.

"Calm down Rainbow! It's just the snow numbing em' down. Like I said, all in one piece. Now, Luna said this land is facing some grave ass threat, and that you all would like me to join you're fight or something. Now I'm not inclined to keep a lady waiting!"

"Yeah, I guess you could say we're in the middle of a war, _a big one._ Equestria could use all the help she can get, but I..." Dash attempted to unfurl her wings from her sides, but the attempt caused her to cry out. "UGH! Their too freaking stiff. Great! Now I don't have the stamina to fly us out, and we're both stuck up here."

Leaving his cigar in his mouth, Sergeant Johnson folded his arms and watched nonchalantly as Rainbow Dash muttered in frustration, nursing her freezing, stiffened wings. "Like my dear Auntie always said, 'where there's a will, there's a way.'"

The rainbow-maned pegasus frowned at him skeptically. "Oh, and what 'way' might that be, wise guy?"

Johnson shuffled the cigar around his mouth using his tongue. "Princess Luna had said there might be a dragon...or two that live up here. Now, I've of course never seen a flying fire-breathing overgrown gecko, but if you have em' here, I'd wager they could fly us out, assuming they don't try to sell us automobile insurance or turn us into a plate of delectable sirloins!"

The human took out his cigar and motioned towards a large cave opening in a nearby cliff face Dash hadn't noticed yet. Torrents of smoke were billowing from the entrance.

"Exhibit A."

Dash now glared at him, her skepticism hitting its maximum. "You can't be serious! It'll eat us on sight! And I can't fight like..." She raised one of her limp wings slightly. "_...this!_" Johnson returned her glare with a confident smirk, half covered by his cigar.

"Hehe! Just leave it to me then! I've got a dragon to 'negotiate' with, if you'll kindly excuse me." Johnson then stooped low, and cautiously began to advance the twenty feet or so towards the entrance to the dragon's den.

Still in the snow, Rainbow Dash laid down and watched the Sergeant go. "You're crazy, ya know that?" She called out. Keeping silent, Johnson gave her a lighthearted salute, then started to scale up the rocks and boulders fringing the mouth of the cavern.

"The good kind of crazy too." Rainbow added under her breath.


	3. The Sarge, the Pegasus, and the Dragon

Smoke continued to billow out of the lip of the cavern-turned dragon den as Johnson continued his ascension up to its precipice. The thick swirling carbon fog emerging from the hollowed out rock almost left the impression that the mountain itself was volcanic, which would be a dire turn of events for the inhabitants of the city over a thousand feet down.

Johnson on the other hand knew that the emissions belonged not to a magma flow, but rather from a living being. An _immense_ being, guessing by the sheer amount of carbon dioxide being emitted.

The potential size of the cave's inhabitant did little to faze the human, as he neared the top and began to pull himself up onto the talon-trounced rock platform outside the entrance. The Sergeant had stared down eight-feet tall Sangheili, equally tall Jiralhanae, and taller still: M'Galekgolo, surviving every time. What stood before Johnson now however, was still far more imposing than any hunter, elite, or brute he had ever seen. Just beyond the cave's gaping maw of an entrance, was the dragon whose existence had been hinted at by Luna.

Thankfully fast asleep, the massive winged lizard had her face and eyes towards him. Her snoring snout was obviously the cause of the noxious emissions Johnson now had to sidestep and avoid. Her massive eyes were drawn tightly shut, but even in sleep the beast's mighty form would easily make lesser beings quake in her presence.

Johnson glared at the prone dragon, still sizing it up. Her scales were a brilliant ruby red. A pair of massive wings were furled up between four powerful legs that could likely squash a pony as if she were an ant. Each leg ended in razor sharp claws that could dig a ditch in seconds. The individual claws, even those of the smallest digits, were bigger than Johnson's head. Her ruby-crimson body ended at the arrow-shaped tip of her long tale, which was lined with symmetrical spikes.

Surrounding the beast were several piles of bones piled near bonfires. The fires were not fueled by well cut logs or lumber, mind you. They were entire tree branches, likely ripped out of the Everfree Forest, piled atop one another and burning almost white-hot. The bones themselves largely belonged to sheep, bears, full grown elk, and even the occasional manticore, judging by the skulls. Strangely, Johnson felt the impulse to pick one of the skulls up and carve a goofy symbol into it.

Ever so quietly, Johnson approached the slumbering beast. Sticking strictly to his right opposite the direction of the smoke, he entered the cave. Going six feet or so in, Johnson took up a position atop a boulder pile against the stone wall in an almost casual fashion, folding his arms and getting a look at the area surrounding the dragon.

A shimmering light drew the human's eyes towards the rear of the cavern. Johnson's jaw dropped to the floor at the sight before him.

Resting within reach of the blood colored dragon's powerful spiked tail were piles upon piles of precious gems, the light of the bonfires glinting off of them. Johnson had found the dragon's horde, and then some. Priceless diamonds, sapphires, and most plentiful of all, rubies were scattered amongst each other, with not a thought granted to organization or separation.

_"Cha-ching!"_ Johnson exclaimed under his breath.

Suddenly, a rogue piece of loose stone shifted beneath one of Johnson's massive armored boots. It made a loud 'thump' as it struck the cave floor and bounced thrice. The stone had been made slick with condensation from where the dragon's body heat and activities had been melting away snow and ice.

"Oh, _dammit!"_ The Sergeant whispered.

A falling stone's sound echoed loudly across the cavern and reverberated all the way out to where Rainbow Dash still stood miserably in the snow.

The poor mare's teeth chattered and her skin shuddered under the unforgiving bite of the frigid winds. Amidst the numbing cold, her wings had remained unable to operate properly. Even attempting to flap one of the stiff appendages as normal, sent massive jolts of pain down the pegasus' back and sides.

Rainbow growled in frustration in between her chattering of teeth. "Ugh, after we get off this Celestia-forsaken mountain, I'm not going anywhere near snow for a very, _very_ long time!"

Upon hearing the clacking of falling stone up ahead, she snapped her head instantly towards the cave entrance. "What does that hot shot think he's doing?!" Rainbow wondered. She then craned her neck, trying to get a better angle.

Not satisfied, she decided to climb higher up the snowbank. From her new vantage point, she observed the proceedings with baited breath, resisting the urge to rush in and challenge the dragon as it shuffled into alertness, investigating its lair for a potential invading pest or pegasus gem thief.

Whether it was the former or the latter, both were equally edible and delicious as far as the dragon was concerned. This was especially true after the screaming usually stopped and the slow roasting was complete.

With a jolt, the ruby-scaled dragon opened her eyes and turned towards the source of the disturbance. She surveyed the pile of stones intently through a pair of deep pupils lined by cerulean irises. The top of the pile was devoid of any inhabitants save for several lifeless stones. One of the larger stones had the words _'Bite Me'_, crudely scratched into it.

Having never been exposed to any form of pony civilization beyond the occasional sheep or cow raid, the cave's inhabitant was unable to read or comprehend written Equestrian. She passed her draconic eyes over the carved taunt without a second glance.

Warily, the massive dragon growled and hissed irritably. She shook off her remaining drowsiness and investigated the rest of her stony den. No sources of antagonism were detected, and everything remained as it always was, much to her disappointment. Expecting to encounter a foolhardy pegasi or griffon adventurer or treasure seeker, or perhaps one of _them_, the dragon had been looking forward to playing with her deserving prey this time before feeding.

The dragon's discontentment turned to delight, for the piles of gems nearby beckoned to her seductively with their irresistibly shiny charms. The dragon licked her lips in anticipation for yet another feast. Completely focused on her crystalline dinner, ruby-scales failed to notice the tensed form of Johnson directly above her.

Johnson was clinging to the stalagmites, staring down at the dragon with a building anxiety to jump onto her back. He then noticed what she was doing to some of the gems, his face contorted into one of disbelief. "Scaly face, what the hell do ya think you're doin'? Those aren't food, _FOOL!_" Johnson shouted as he dropped onto the back of the dragon.

She roared at the top of her lungs, belching out fire in her anger that she had been outwitted and caught off guard by such a tiny assailant, as well as having her meal so rudely interrupted. Johnson held onto her neck spikes as she arched and shook her back, nearly flinging him off dozens of times.

Outside, Rainbow cringed and nearly averted her magenta eyes from their flailing forms, expecting to witness snack time any second now.

Finally, after getting tired of shaking in an attempt remove her stubborn intruder, the dragon decided a more direct approach was in order. With another mighty roar, she slammed her right side into the nearest stone wall, knocking the human clinging to her into a daze.

Taking advantage of Johnson's momentary disorientation, the dragon reached back and snatched him up in one of her front talons.

She held him out at leg's length, analyzing him and his threat potential. The latter was null, as she could now simply but squeeze without any effort on her part, and Johnson would likely be turned into a thick red paste in an instant.

Noticing that he was wearing armor or clothing of some kind, the dragon theorized that he must be sapient. _Like ponies and their ilk..._ She mused. Genuinely intrigued by the possibility, the dragon brought him closer to her face, deciding to learn more about this strange intruder. The human was merely three feet from her face, and her hot sulfur and brimstone-laden breath wafted over to him.

The Sergeant met her curious gaze with a look of vexation rather than fear, which secretly surprised the dragon deeply.

"How ya doin'?" He said to her in a gruff voice.

Pulling her snout into a grin, Johnson got his first glimpse of her rows of razor sharp, pearly-white fangs, each the size of a well-forged dagger. Then, in a shockingly suave and pleasing voice, the dragon spoke to him. "Ahh, so the strange-looking male Yeti _speaks_, hmm? Fascinating indeed."

Johnson was as surprised by her ability to talk as she was of his inherent lack of fear. He was also angered. "Did you just call me an _abominable snow man_, scaly face? You better hope ya don't let me go now, or I'll give you an ass whooping so hard, your descendant's _descendants_ will cry out in pain!"

The dragon countered with a gust of air, which blew back much of the hair that remained on Johnson's ordinarily shaven head. His cheeks briefly formed jowls as the skin too was caught in the rush of her hot, sulfurous breath. When the gust ceased, she stared at him with mounting hostility. Johnson however, still remained partially unimpressed. "Man, that was _really_ scary! But would you like a mint or two, because your breath stinks like the rear-end of a dead, rottin' jackal!"

She roared at him again, louder this time. The thunderous sound ended with a crescendo of growls and hisses emanating from deep within her throat. The growls served as a warning that the human had one final chance, as the next roar would be accompanied by a massive gout of skin-melting napalm and hell fire.

Hearing the roars, and knowing that nopony was watching her, Rainbow Dash's shivering increased, now motivated more so by fear than the cold.

Blinking twice, the dragon looked at Johnson once more, awaiting a more pleasing reply from him. Johnson had been taught the error of his ways. His eyes widened at her, and he chuckled nervously.

"Hehe, I mean what fine..._shiny_ scales you have!" He grinned sheepishly at her, his teeth gleaming like the sapphires in his vicinity. The dragon's attitude lightened up in an instant, and a chuckle of amusement strummed in her gut. Giving her a closer look, and listening closely to the cadence of her laughing, Johnson's intuition kicked in, and he finally realized the gender of his reptilian captor. "Hey, you must be a _girl dragon_, aren't you?!"

The dragon grinned once more. "Indeed I am, _little one._ And I must say, you are quite unique to me. You aren't like all those ponies who have so foolishly stumbled in here over the years, seeking treasure that does not belong to them. They always tremble like leaves before me, most fleeing upon the sight of a dragon of my size and age! Tell me little one, what makes you so different?"

Johnson tensed slightly in her uncomfortable grasp. "Ma'am, let's just say if you've seen all the thing's I've seen...Few things would be able to scare you off either."

The dragon abandoned her grin, and peered at the human in her talons with a knowing but sad twinkle in her brilliant reptilian eyes. "I sensed it on you, for it is a sense of which I am all too familiar, little one. War? _Destruction?_ The relentless hunting and slaying of your race over the centuries by arrogant lesser beings who are no longer _worthy_ of mercy or diplomacy?"

Smiling mirthlessly, Johnson nodded at her with incredulity. "You've read me practically like an open book, ma'am!" The dragon leaned towards him and smiled, not revealing her imposing teeth this time.

"We seem to be two of a kind, little one. Pray tell, _who_ and _what_ are you? And something of your nature would not be up here merely seeking gems, no. What truly brings you here to my lonely abode, far above the realms-where-the-wingless-trot?"

The Sarge scratched his head with the arm he had managed to free, and raised an eyebrow in thought. "Well...ya could just call me _'badass'_, but that's not specific enough! I belong to the race known as _Huuu-man-itaay!_"

Johnson chuckled, and both prisoner and captor smiled at each other, painting an awkward scene for Rainbow, whom could scarcely believe that the monster had not eaten the human yet. Behind the dragon's smile however, a profound curiosity was forming. _Did he say humanity? I feel as if I'd heard of a species with that name, millennia ago... Tales of a lost but legendary people... But it's too obscure now. Bah! No matter, I'm sure its just a trick of my old ears._

The human continued. "I'm Avery Johnson. Most just call me Johnson. I'm a Marine, and all I can say in brief is that I used to kill evil eight-foot tall freaks literally for a living. What about you, shiny scales?"

The ruby-scaled dragon grinned again at the simple two-word phrase. "You may call me Risea, sole living inheritor of the bloodline of Tarkash, once the mightiest dragon brood in all the Badlands! I am daughter of King Vrael, son of Fang, and Queen Glaeda, daughter of Myrrha."

The dragon by the name of Risea regarded Johnson as he stood still in her grasp, awaiting his reaction, before further divining his intentions.

His response began with a whistle of admiration. "My, my...looks and sounds like _someone_ here has a prestigious sounding background. If I'd known I was in the presence of beautiful royalty, I would have toned down the jackassery, oh, and put on some cleaner underwear!"

Risea blinked at him mischievously. "I shall call you Avery, and I must say, your attempts to beguile me are amusing at best, little one. Now, I shall repeat my earlier inquiry: what brings you here to me _now?_"

Johnson used his freed arm to point behind his back towards the entrance. "Me and a friend o' mine could use lift out of here, before I freeze to death."

"And how, if I may ask, did you end up on the summit near my home in the first place?"

Shrugging nonchalantly, Johnson replied. "Someone brought me back to life, and it turned out that they were doing it several thousand feet, above solid ground! It was a miracle I didn't suffocate from the damn thin ass air up there, shiny scales!"

"_Risea..._" The ruby-colored dragon corrected with a roll of her eyes. "And a likely story, Avery Johnson." Risea concluded with sarcasm dripping off her refined voice. "But I have heard far more eccentric tales before, I'm afraid. And what of this 'friend', of yours hmm?"

"She saved me from falling, but we can't get any lower than this altitude. She's too hurt, the_sissy!_" Johnson managed to free his other arm, and folded them at his chest, resting his elbows on Risea's tree-trunk like digits. "So, can you fly us out of here or not?"

Risea emitted a centuries-long sigh from deep within the depths of her fire-retardant throat. "Very well, little one. Since you did not attempt to steal my horde, and I sense something in you that I admire, I will help you and your associate. Is it the place of the ground-trotters you seek? The land they call Equestria?"

He nodded, and Risea blinked. "In which case, I shall bring you no farther than near their city of Canterlot, Avery." Suddenly, Risea unfurled her massive wings, the light of the bonfires reflecting off them and casting Johnson in a massive shadow.

"Their kind, especially the winged ground-trotters, and my kind, _do not mix._ And we never will."

She set him down gently, and Johnson flexed his muscles and groaned as if he had fallen asleep in an uncomfortable position. He marched outside through the mouth of the cave and waved. "Well alright then, Risea. Let me introduce ya to Rainbow, and you can get us all the hell out of this place, ma ass is freezing!"

Risea chuckled at the human's discomfort. "Rainbow? Tis' a strange name for a dragon, don't you think?"

Johnson shot the red dragon a confused look. "Who ever said she was a _dragon?_"

"Johnson, what the buck do you think your doing dude? You leading the dragon out here to _eat us both at once?_" Rainbow Dash shouted, rashly storming out from her perch up on the snowbank that had broken both their falls several minutes ago. In doing so, the pegasus had caught the dragon's attention.

In a heartbeat, Risea abandoned her friendly mischievous expression, and barred her fangs in a blood-chilling snarl. Before Johnson could react, the dragon had already shifted his far smaller form protectively behind her. Risea then roared and charged straight for Rainbow Dash.

Dash could do nothing but stare wide-eyed at the charging reptile as her wings hung uselessly against her sides and her legs almost refused to move. A mortal terror ran all the way from her head to the tip of her tail.

"DIE, DRAGON SLAYING FILTH! YOUR KIND SHALL NOT DEFILE MY HOME WITH YOUR BLASPHEMOUS PRESENCE!" Risea bellowed, following up with a gout of fire that she blew into the air above them, a show of intimidation and strength against her perceived intruder.

From his location behind her, Sergeant Johnson watched the scenario unfold "Ah, hell!" He stood as tall as he could, and cupped his gloved hands to his mouth. "RISEA, _STOP!_ SHE'S WITH ME! SHE'S THE ONE WHO BROKE MY FALL!"

His words were just barely enough to halt Risea's otherwise unrelenting charge towards Rainbow Dash. Slowly, the great dragon shifted her stance to glance slightly towards the human, whilst ready to crush the pegasus mare if she tried to make a hostile move.

In turn, Rainbow Dash backed slowly away from the dragon's massive form, her eyes still widened and her muzzle pulled into a sneer.

"C'mon now..." Johnson said cautiously.

"Avery Johnson, you better explain to me quickly and plainly why you have a member of the race that nearly rendered all of my Dragonkin _extinct,_ before the winged ground-trotter here learns to appreciate fire, the _harsh way!_"


	4. A Grave Threat

Sergeant Major Avery Johnson was in some hot water, or to be more precise, hot _snow_. Much of the fine white powder was quickly turning to steam from the body heat of the enraged creature nearby.

Straight in front of him, stood the great ruby-scaled form of Risea, her mouth pulled into a sneer and her massive unfurled wings blotting out the view of the Sun from Johnson's angle. Behind them, Rainbow Dash had scarcely moved, never taking her eyes off the deadly needle-sharp arrowhead point of the dragon's tail.

Risea watched the human impatiently with narrowed eyes, hissing in a low and deadly cadence. Johnson held up a hand towards her, ever so cautiously. "The blue-winged horse is with me!" He said, reiterating himself. "We wouldn't be talking right now were it not for her. I'd probably just be a pancake decorating one of them spiky rocks out here!"

Johnson made a dramatic sweep of the surrounding environment with his arms. The dragon said nothing back, and instead snorted out a plume of smoke in response, indicating for him to continue.

"I don't know what nasty business your people might have or been having with Rainbow's people and vice versa, but a Princess by the name of Luna down there told me that some 'grave threats' are endangering your world." Sergeant Johnson then paused to light another cigar, on account of the cold climate. "Now, if its anything nearly as powerful as a legion of alien freaks, than I'm their man for the business of helping to put some of em' down for good."

At the mention of Luna, Risea oddly seemed to turn noticeably calmer. Her sneer slid away and her threatening posture diminished slightly. The rate of melting snow around the dragon had also declined significantly as she appeared distant and lost in thought. Risea's eyes seemed to take on a dreamy quality. "Luna...?" She murmured, peering back towards the shimmering gem horde in her den, ignoring both the pegasus and human. As if in a trance, the dragon inched her face further into the cavern mouth, turning her massive back to them and furling up her wings.

Noticing that the dragon had taken her attention off of him briefly, Johnson jogged around her bulky form and approached Rainbow Dash, snow crunching beneath the heavy foot fall of his boots. Dash's eyes registered something bordering the obscure area between relief, panic, anger, and frustration as she looked at him.

"Seriously Johnson, do you have a death wish?" The pegasus asked in exasperation. "This dragon is obviously loopy, she must have been up in this cave for Celestia knows how long! I say let's just take our chances and try to scale down this giant rock, maybe some other pegasi in Canterlot will spot us on the cliffs and get us down!"

Johnson raised an eyebrow. "You know, that could _actually_ work! You got any rappel ropes...any climbing gear?"

"Uhh, well now that I think about it..." Rainbow Dash looked around helplessly.

"Well?" The Sergeant pressed on.

"I..."

Both of the human's eyebrows were now raised. "I can't hear you, soldier!"

"No." She admitted irritably. "But who needs it? Any safety gear beyond goggles and flight suits is for pansies. You have fingers, you could haul _me_ down the rest of the way on your back or something, then we'll be even!" The Sergeant about spit out his cigar from the surprise of Dash's words.

He replied back as he coughed up tobacco fumes. "_Ach_...very..._gah_...funny. That sure would be a comical sight."

Rainbow glared at him skeptically, shuffling her hooves around and glancing at Risea's back spikes, each almost the size of a Royal Guard's spear, restlessly. "So uhh...you'll actually do it, then?"

"Lady, do I look like a comedian to you?" Dash shook her head. "Do I look like _Superman?_" She gave him a confused look. "I didn't think so soldier! I'm mean and I'm green, but even I have my limits. Now enough lip, Shiny-scales is our only way off this snowy hell."

Johnson put both index fingers to his mouth and whistled at Risea, catching her attention. The dragon continued to glare at Rainbow Dash, and the pegasus was happy to return the favor, but Risea did not have a hostile stance. When she looked at Johnson, her gaze actually fell neutral.

"Avery Johnson." Her silken voice echoed across the crags, boulders, and cliff faces, carrying all the way out to the vast horizon. "You should have mentioned you had made contact with Princess Luna. I had feared her still trapped within that accursed moon by her foolish sister. If you have indeed made dialogue with her, then that must mean she has been freed."

Cigar still in mouth, Johnson neared Risea's snout, much to Dash's alarm. He folded his arms and gazed stoically up at her. "Yeah, and from her tone of voice and word choice, I'd say plenty of good people must be down there fighting and getting hurt against something, and if I can help in anyway, I need to be down there, ma'am."

The ancient dragon blinked once at him, then replied, "Hmm, and what of the _pegasi?_" The word was like spoiled meat to Risea as she uttered it. Nevertheless, she continued on.

"Are they not the supreme warriors of Equestria?" At Johnson's side, Rainbow Dash nodded slowly, reluctant to acquiesce that her potential enemy was correct. "And what of the unicorns with their precious magics, and the earth ponies and their famed strength? Aren't they sufficient to keep their own realms safe?"

To this, Johnson could only shrug. "Hell if I know..." That was when a thought crossed his mind.

Quickly recovering, he then pointed a finger at her in an as-a-matter-of-fact gesture. "..._but_what I _do_ know is this: No matter how strong, proud, or mean they can be...folks still need heroes from time to time. Something to give em' hope. Now Luna has apparently assumed that I fit the bill for the job. But by god if I don't, then I'll make it my point to track down the suckers who are!"

Johnson finished the cigar and tossed it to the ground, where it melted snow with a barely audible hiss. "Now, I'm not gonna pretend I know about your beef with the pegasi or what you may have been through; I'm not gonna say that I know how long you've been up here, cut off from your loved ones."

The ruby-scaled dragon blinked at him once more, twice in succession this time, apparently weighing the worth of the human's words.

"But right now, you could potentially be doing a service to the world at large, all it takes is for you to show a little damn tolerance for those ya don't like or may mistrust in the face of a common enemy. Trust me, I've been forced to work with my former enemies to save the day before, I know what it's like. But in the end, doing it makes everyone happy."

He finished by casually stomping his boot into the remaining snow on the slick stone platform. "Trust me on this one too: you'll like _me_ when I'm happy!" Johnson flashed a toothy grin at the dragon.

For the first time since seeing Rainbow Dash, Risea chuckled. "Your words have stirred me, little one. If the world is as truly under threat as you and say, then on Luna's honor I will assist you off of my mountain. Do not expect any more than that from me, however. I have retreated from worldly affairs for very specific reasons."

Risea unfurled her wings and strode past Johnson and Rainbow Dash towards the platform edge with thundering footsteps. She let out a deep, loud sigh as she looked out over the land beyond, as well as the distant battlements and spires of Canterlot that beckoned below through mountain mists. "I will overlook the winged ground-trotter's presence just this once."

"Hey, I've got nothing against dragons, unless you give me a reason to!" Dash shouted at her.

Cerulean eyes turned to bore into the magenta of Rainbow Dash's own. "You are lucky to have a being so similar to that of the _Legendary People_ of old as your companion, kin-of-dragon-slayers. His words have just secured you safe passage, so long as you keep your accursed wings at your sides."

The rainbow-maned pegasus rolled her eyes, now mostly devoid of any fear of the dragon. "Ugh, sure." Rainbow Dash tried to lift one of them in demonstration, and grimaced in pain. "No worries there."

Risea nodded firmly at her, and then lowered a wing for them to climb onto. "Ya senile old bag of scales." Rainbow concluded under her breath, following after Johnson.

"I may be over a millennium old, ground-trotter, but I am still in my _adolescence_. My hearing is as sensitive as fifty birds of prey." Risea retorted as she rolled her shoulders and shifted her wings into position. On her back, Rainbow Dash broke into a scowl, and Johnson nearly fell off as his laughter intensified.

"_PREPARE YOURSELVES!_ We are descending to Canterlot, and no further!" The dragon declared, strutting towards the edge."You might want to hold onto something." Risea warned mischievously, as she bounded off the slick platform in a heartbeat.

"_CRAAAPPPP!_" Johnson roared as he was just barely able to grasp hold onto one of the dragon's back spikes. "This certainly beats the numerous times I been in a crashing pelican!" He remarked. "Damn were those things shot down so many friggin times!"

"Considering we're riding on a dragon, this is _SO FREAKING AWESOME!_" Rainbow cried out with foal-like glee. The frigid wind was whipping through her multi-colored mane almost comically. At any higher of an altitude, goggles would have been assuredly required to prevent damages to a flier's eyes.

At their speed, Risea had gotten them near enough to make out the Castle and highest towers of Canterlot in only two minutes. In another three, they were already hovering above the Castle Gardens.

Given their position, almost the entire capital city could see them.

As an inevitable result, several pegasi and unicorn guards were screaming at the tops of their lungs about an invasion or a dragon raid. War horns were being blown, stray aristocrats and other civilians were scattering in the winds like leaves, and ranks of Royal Guards were already forming up a defensive perimeter around the gardens and the walls towering over them.

Unicorns stood in orderly ranks of five stallions to each section of battlement, crossbows, javelins, and spells at the ready. A swarm of pegasi guards flew around the dragon, aiming crossbows and flintlock pistols, and drawing out wing blades from their sheaths at their sides. On the ground, a massive contingent of cannons, ballistas, and dozens of flintlock rifle-wielding earth ponies aimed up at Risea's towering form. Others affixed bayonets to the edge of their muskets and lined them up towards her like spears.

In response to their show of military defiance, the wind currents generating by Risea's undulating wings nearly blew many of the guards off their hooves, and many more still to nearly lose their crested helmets. The dragon growled quietly as the sun glinted off the vast array of gold and silver armor around her and reflected back into her eyes. The pegasi buzzing around her like flies threatened to throw her over the edge, but for the sake of her two riders, Risea kept tranquil for now.

Finally, after several tense moments of both sides exchanging wary glances, the ruby dragon landed. The force of her impact caused dozens of guards near her to stumble back and cry out.

Impatiently, a royal pegasus guard in rather distinctive gold armor with elaborate violet and silver trim stamped his hoof loudly as he emerged from the crowd of earth ponies. His coat was a rusty orange and his mane was blue judging by the crest atop his helmet. In one hoof he held a musket by its weirdly-designed stock and trigger housing over his shoulder. In the membranes of his wing on his opposite side, he grasped what appeared to be a scroll.

As Risea glared at the handsomely armored pegasus, Johnson gawked around at the strangely antiquated weapons, and their even stranger-looking wielders. On the other side of the spectrum of things, Rainbow Dash appeared as if she wanted to simply fly as far away from Canterlot as she possibly could.

Clearing his throat in a dramatic fashion, the pegasus finally addressed the unlikely trio. He spoke in a refined Canterlot accent that he had obviously been trained to use. "In the name of the Princesses, I Flash Sentry, Captain of the Royal Guard of Canterlot and a consultant within Her Majesty Princess Celestia's Army, etcetera, etcetera, hereby query of thee, what is your purpose for intruding upon our fair city, dragon?"

With a low rumble in her throat, Risea replied' "I am here to deliver unto you the hero your Princess Luna has summoned to our world, winged ground-trotter. Nothing more."

"And that...would be _me!_" Johnson declared, jumping off the dragon's side with a quick grunt. Rainbow Dash followed closely behind him, taking a neutral position away from either the dragon or any of the guards.

Flash Sentry beheld the sight of the human in his UNSC-issued BDU, heavy boots, and bemused grin. Sentry frowned at him in confusion. "I...don't understand. There was no mention of any hero of any kind being summoned by anyone in the Court."

"That is because, fair Captain, it is all under our jurisdiction, not the Guard's." A regal voice declared from a nearby entryway. Everyone turned their heads towards it. The sunlight gleamed brilliantly on the ground in sharp contrast to the newcomer and her midnight-colored fur as she and her Night Guards made their way past the artillery towards where Johnson and the others stood. If the appearances of Rainbow Dash and the denizens of Canterlot were enough to make Sergeant Johnson gawk and stare in confusion, the appearance of the alicorn now approaching made his jaw nearly drop to the floor. His cigar, another one he had managed to light sometime on their flight to the city, fell from his mouth to the flagstones.

"Good day to you, Sergeant Major Avery Johnson." Princess Luna greeted with a warm smile. The Princess of the Night's smile formed into a grin as she took in the human's facial expression. "What dost thou think of our true form then?"

After a few more seconds of awkward gawking, Johnson finally replied, "Your hair...your, your mane..._IT FRIGGIN FLOATS!_" He exclaimed in astonishment, picking his cigar back up and brushing it off. "Where can I get hair like that?"

Luna giggled mischievously back at him. "Oh? Pray tell, _that_ is the strangest thing about us you've seen all day? Our flowing _mane?_" She trotted closer to him and held out a hoof. "Allow us to formally introduce ourselves." Johnson used one arm to put the cigar back in his mouth, and the other to shake Luna's hoof, chuckling all the while as she continued her introduction.

"You stand before Princess Luna, Diarch of the Kingdom of Equestria. We rule these lands..." Luna gestured towards everything around her with her other foreleg. "...alongside our sister, the Princess of the Sun, Celestia."

Smiling back at her, Johnson broke his grip with Luna's hoof. "It's a pleasure, Princess, a darn pleasure." Still smiling, Johnson turned in Risea's direction. "Well what do ya know Risea, I've been in the presence of royalty, _two_ times in one day!" Risea remained silent as she looked first to him, then training her gaze on Luna, before replying.

"_She_ is more royal than I. It is an honor to be in your presence once again after so long, oh great daughter of the night." The dragon proclaimed, inclining her head slightly to convey her respects.

The Princess noted the dragon's focus on her, and Luna turned to bear her regal gaze upon Risea's red reptilian face. "Dost thou know us personally from somewhere, fire-breather most fair?" She inquired with curiosity. "My memory jars me, dragon Risea."

Risea gazed around at the Guards with distaste, then looked back to Luna with a knowing smile. "I remember _you_, Princess Luna, but _you_ do not remember _me_." At that, the massive dragon immediately spread her wings and began to take flight. "Until next our paths cross, Avery Johnson." She called out.

Johnson waved at her as she went. "Later, shiny-scales!" She roared back in reply to him.

Suddenly, Flash Sentry stirred into motion, beckoning to catch Luna's attention. "Your Majesty, should we...Umm, she's getting away! Do we have to..."

A single hoof raised in the air cut his sputtering short. "Nay, Captain Sentry. Put all of your guards at ease. The dragon is of no threat to us." Luna then looked to the earth ponies and their artillery nearby. "And get the Army contingent back into thine garrison. Such a massive display of force is an unbecoming way to greet our fine guests!"

"Erm, yes of course, Your Highness." Sentry bowed, and with a single shout, the defenders immediately began cleaning up and filing out. Only the Princess' Night Guards held position at her sides. Luna sighed, satisfied, then finally noticed Rainbow Dash staring at them nearby.

"Hail, Rainbow Dash! What brings thee to Canterlot?"

Dash's eyes widened as all attention was drawn to her. Bowing her head curtly, she responded, "Oh, hiya Your Majesty!" Rainbow Dash chuckled nervously.

"Were you tagging along with Sergeant Johnson on his journey here?" Luna asked with her brow raised inquisitively.

Rainbow continued her nervous laugh. "Umm, yeah about that... It's a long story..."

"We are listening..." Luna began.

"I kinda...hurt my wings carrying something heavy. Let's just leave it at that."

Luna looked to the pegasus with concern. "Rainbow Dash, you are a friend of _Princess_Twilight Sparkle. As such, you need not ask if you require medical attention for any reason!"

"Uhh, no it's not...Its just that...I can fly now, it should be good in a few days." Rainbow replied, sputtering and downplaying her injuries. She was now hovering in the air with a little difficulty as Luna and Johnson both stared at her with bizarre faces. Rainbow pointed a hoof over her shoulder. "I uh, I gotta go now Your Majesty, if ya don't mind."

"We don't..._mind._" Luna replied slowly and awkwardly.

Rainbow Dash smiled at both of them and she gave a brief waved to the Sergeant. "I'll see you around, Johnson. Feel free to look me and my friends up if you're ever around Ponyville, I'm sure Pinkie Pie would get a kick out of ya!" Johnson took a puff of his cigar and waved back as Rainbow got ready to go.

"Will do Rainbow. Keep your eyes sharp in the skies, soldier!" Dash saluted him before zooming off.

Watching the retreating forms of Risea and Rainbow Dash above them, Luna looked to Johnson with a bemused expression as the midday sun continued to shine brightly over them. In the surrounding area, guards went about their work, and the occasional aristocrat decided it was safe enough to resume their stroll or meetings with one another.

"Just what happened up there on the summit? Thou hath managed to defeat a fire breather not with sword but with wit and tongue _alone_, Sergeant Johnson? And I see you've made some friends here already. We've just met, and already you are proving quite resourceful." Luna proclaimed with astonishment.

Sergeant Johnson put a hand to his hip, and used the other to rub at his head. "Yeah, it comes with my trade I suppose." His latest cigar finally burned out and he then fumbled for a new one in one of his pouches.

"Ah damn, that was ma last one! Oh, and they're just acquaintances by the way, although on the battlefield, the line between buddy and stranger can become quite blurry at times, especially when one's a friggin dragon, and the other is a pony with _wings!_ Which reminds me..."

Luna smiled at him, but this time, hiding behind it lied a thick fog of worry. "You would like to know now why we called you here, why we chose to preserve your essence and reconstruct it in our world, correct?" Smiling, he pointed the spent cigar at her, then flicked it onto the flagstones.

"Bingo, Princess."

The Princess of the Night nodded, and motioned with her hoof towards the door she and her guards had just entered through. "Come, I will explain everything to you in the Royal Archives after we have introduced you to our sister."

Flanked by both bat-winged Night Guards, Luna and Johnson made their way into the Palace. Passing by Captain Flash Sentry, the pegasus smiled at Johnson, and in his normal-non Canterlot voice said, "Hey, where can I get some awesome armor like yours?"

Johnson chuckled, only glancing at him for a moment. "Get to Mars, soldier. See a Misriah Armory representative, they should be able to suit you up in some of the finest, snazziest combat armor in the 'verse." He chuckled again, as Sentry sat and watched him go with nothing but pure confusion and astonishment etched on his face.

As they entered the building, Johnson took a look at the bat-pony guards who were beside him and the Princess. Within easy reach of their wings, were twin flintlock pistols with a ebony stocks strapped in holsters. Beside each pistol was a small wing blade shaped similarly to a bat's own wings.

"Nice wings and guns, gentlemen." He remarked. Both were silent, but nodded politely at him. He was also about to comment on the sheer lavishness of the inside of the Castle, but they soon entered into a room and the inhabitants within cut his words short. Another alicorn, taller than Luna with a white coat smiled warmly as the two entered.

"Hello Luna. Oh, and you must Avery Johnson! It is a sincere privilege to be in such pleasant company as yourself, Sergeant Major." She proclaimed, approaching him with genuine interest. "As I'm sure you know by now, I am Princess Celestia."

Still not quite use to the rather otherworldly nature of the Princesses, Johnson couldn't help but feel some shards of awe at the appearance of Celestia. The awe was especially overwhelming when one was viewing both sisters at once. Kicking in his Marine discipline to contain his own awe, Johnson put on a largely serious face and folded his arms behind his back.

"The pleasure is all mine, ma'am. It's a damn fine honor to be alive and kicking again!" Luna grinned at him, and Celestia's warm smile was unchanged as she continued to analyze the human. "So, to feed my stingy sense of self-curiosity, just _where_, or _what_, do you two know me from?"

Celestia sighed and closed her eyes, while Luna's pleasant gaze hardened as she produced a small object from the table next to her with the cobalt aura of her telekinesis. To Johnson's mortification, it resembled a human skull. Luna levitated it closer to Johnson, tilting the crown of the skull towards him and revealing a symbol carved into the thick of the bone.

"Is that a... Does that symbol represent a strand of _DNA?_" Johnson inquired. Celestia nodded, and ignited her horn, creating an image of something tall and, for Johnson, quite ridiculous looking. The creature had a serpentine body with various mismatched limbs.

"What the _hell_ is that?"

"This, is a creature known as a Draconequus. To be more specific, Discord: self-proclaimed 'Master of Chaos'." Celestia explained. "He was responsible for plunging this world into chaos and misery over a millennium ago."

Luna then stepped in. "Until very recently, we had thought him reformed after Fluttershy, a friend of your acquaintance Rainbow Dash, convinced him of the worthiness of our land in its current harmonious state. But that was before _this!_" She motioned a hoof towards the strange skull.

Johnson scoffed, eager to get to the point. "So, what about this skull? What's a human noggin' doing in a dimension separate from mine? I assume no humans live here, do they? I haven't seen any running around."

"Not that we know of at all, Sergeant. Although...there are old tales of a long-lost species with bone structures said to resemble this skull. The Legendary Folk they were called. But, as their name suggests, it's all likely just a myth." Celestia replied.

"This skull appeared almost at the same time that Discord disappeared two weeks ago, and numerous guards began acting...strange. We found the skull wrapped up in this note, here. It contains information that lead us to you, as well as other clues." The Princess levitated a small sheet of parchment over to him.

Holding it in his hands, Johnson frowned and read it.

_IWHBYD_

_Attention Dear Princesses Celestia and Luna:_

_I regret to inform that for personal reasons, (all my own) I must take leave of our originally agreed-upon truce as well as my promise to continue to exist in my 'reformed' state._

_You see, a grandiose game has been set in motion here on our world by two old friends of mine, and it is far too exciting for a fellow such as I to pass up. Enjoy this rather 'bony' token of my affection. A little farewell gift, if you will. You may find it as a 'skeleton' key to your hearts. It is also a taste of the 'grave' threats to come._

_Anyway, jokes aside, expect more of these little buggers to 'pop up' from time to time around Equestria. This skull is merely the first piece on the metaphorical game board. My, oh my this should be a hoot!_

_Oh, and did I forget to mention? To play the game properly, we need someone from outside this world, some poor chap about to bite the dust, a former hero without a cause to fight for any longer! This little beauty of a magical skull, simply called 'I would have been your daddy' should help you divine who this individual is. But act quickly, for his time is soon short of his mortal shell! You dear sisters wouldn't want him to die in his world without your intervention and lose the game now, would you?_

_Time is of the essence, for the game beckons, and the Caesar is only so patient with my shenanigans in Roam before he finally snaps like a twig and does something...diplomatically rash!_

_Sincerely mine,_

_-Discord_

"What in sweet Auntie Marcille's name did I just read? It sounds like the guy who wrote this was hopped up on one of them drugs those Grunts used to throw in their methane tanks!" Johnson looked at both alicorns with confusion.

This time, Luna sighed and looked at the floor, while Celestia walked up to a map of the world near one of the many shelves laden with dusty old tomes. "We theorize, Sergeant, that Discord has fled Equestria, and has based himself somewhere in an empire across the ocean to our East.

Pointing a hoof at several chains of islands rimming a medium-sized continent, Celestia continued. "The Roaman Empire, the greatest nation of the zebras...If we can't find some way to put a stop to whatever Discord and his friends' insane plans are, the Roaman Caesar will have no other option but to take matters into his own hooves, as Discord tears their lands apart."

Luna returned her gaze to Johnson, and approached him. "Indeed, the zebras have already closed down thine embassy naught but two days ago, claiming they are urgently needed."

She the laid a wing on the Sergeant's armored soldier. "This strange skull lead us to you, Sergeant Johnson. As confusing as it may be, you are somehow needed. For if Equestria and Roam were to go to war, the sheer chaotic energy generated by the fighting would make Discord–and those allied with him, nigh unstoppable. No nation on this world would be able to resist or fight them for long."

For a while, Johnson was quiet. He stared at Luna's worried face thoughtfully, pondering all the new information. Finally, after several moments of thick silence, he replied.

"This 'Discord', he reminds me of Truth, that _cocky bastard_. Tell you what, I help you all stop this freak of nature's activities in Equestria, and you promise to make me a new hat, alright?"

Celestia looked at him incredulously. "That is all that you request from us in return, _truly?_"

"Truly. Oh yeah, and get me somewhere cozy to sleep. You do that for me, and the good Sarge will take the gig!"

Luna beamed with delight, much of her worry alleviated for now. "That is wonderful to hear Johnson! But, if you are to for any reason fail to prevent his acts here in Equestria..."

Johnson interjected. "...then we'll have a war on our hands, I know. If it comes to that, no need to fear Princess. With my knowledge from my many days in the Corps, I can whip up just about any sorry-ass excuse for a group of soldiers, into a proper, ass-kicking machine!"

"Remember, every enemy is tough. But _invincible?_" The Sergeant chuckled malevolently. "Well, I've been down that road before. At the end of the day, our big green..." Johnson paused and briefly stared at the armor of Luna's Nightguards. "Erm...Our big silver-and-gold style, CANNOT BE DEFEATED!"


	5. I Would Have Been Your Daddy

"Am I right, everybody?"

An awkward silence prevailed throughout the Royal Archives as Johnson looked at both the Princesses and Luna's Nightguards, waiting for a reaction from them. Celestia's expression was as unreadable as a blank stone as she simply blinked at him. In a similar fashion, the bat ponies were largely blank and stoic, as befitting their stations. In sharp contrast to either, Luna grinned and quietly stomped her hoof on the marble floor in applause.

Then, Flash Sentry trotted into the room. "Princess Luna, we have cleared the grounds as you req..." Luna ceased her stomping abruptly and looked at him expectantly, while the others stared at him as they had Johnson. The 'IWHBYD' skull, once again on the handsome mahogany table next to Celestia, seemed to be grinning at Sentry, even despite it no longer possessing its lower jawbone.

The Captain's eyes narrowed in confusion as he looked around at the rest of the archive room's occupants, including the skull. "Why are you guys so quiet?"

Everyone continued to stare at him. Flash Sentry slowly backed away nervously, lifting his right foreleg hesitantly. "Erm, is this the part where I'm supposed to take off my armor seductively and say what a naughty stallion I've been?"

Celestia shook her head and sighed, face hoofing. "No, Captain Sentry. Please, come in! We were just discussing the matter of Discord, the Roaman threat, and the mysterious skulls with Mister Johnson here." She waved him in and motioned towards the empty floor space next to Sergeant Johnson.

Flash Sentry gulped and nodded, trotting towards the human and sitting on his haunches. Johnson nudged the pegasus playfully, winking at him. "Son, you've got one deviant mind. I _like_ it, but don't get too cocky now."

Like a child caught with their hoof in the cookie jar, the pegasus nodded at Johnson uncomfortably, then turned his gaze to the world map near Celestia. Johnson shifted his own focus back towards the one object that summed up the matters at hand. Looking to Luna he said, "So, about these skulls, this Discord loony said that they would be appearing all around Equestria, correct?"

Luna replied,"Indeed. Our primary goal now should be locate the whereabouts of the other skulls, preferably prior to, or as they manifest themselves, and collect them before they can cause any major harm." Johnson nodded slowly, seeing the logic in the Alicorn's plan. Luna then followed up, and pointed a hoof at Flash Sentry. "Captain, are your unicorn battlemages fully rested and prepared to begin their telepathic forecast for any future skull appearances?"

"Only barely so, Your Highness." Sentry responded with a hint of despair creeping into his voice. "Many are still tired from preventing the effects of this mere skull from overwhelming everyone in the castle."

"Maybe they just need to raise their Alteration Skill to seventy five, so that they can unlock the perks that allow the spells to consume less magicka." One of the Nightguards remarked, before slamming a hoof to his muzzle in shock.

"We beg your pardon? What dost thou mean?" Luna asked with her ears tilted at an odd angle and her brow raised.

"I...I have far too much free time on my hooves, my lady." The flustered Nightguard replied.

His comrade nearly broke his own stoic facade, resisting the desire to face-hoof at such a blatant breach of Guard protocol. The bat pony's own hidden frustration only mounted, as he could already sense a random comment threatening to burst out from his lips any moment now.

Luna looked both guards over with a disturbed expression, then returned her attention to Sentry and Johnson, whose feelings on the skull's effects were mutual. Next to her, Celestia looked around the room, her eyes repeatedly drawn to the weird skull and then back again.

"My sister, could you perhaps lend your magic in locating the other skulls?"

Not looking at Luna, Celestia bluntly replied in a dreamy tone, "Nope." The Princess' body language gave no indication that the matter was up for debate.

Clearing her throat awkwardly, Luna continued. Her ears were now flattened at her sister's sudden change of behavior. "Well then, if we may continue. If we cannot rely on our unicorn mages and wizards, or even Tia's magical prowess to track Discord's activities, then to more risky and draconian measures, we must resort. Johnson, may I suggest that you perhaps...try to interact with the skull?"

As Celestia herself continued to stare at the skull almost absentmindedly, Johnson gave the grinning bone a cursory glance, then looked to the younger alicorn skeptically. "Why exactly, do you want me to touch that creepy thing? I'm not anything like one of them headhunting types, ya know."

In response, Luna frowned thoughtfully and rubbed the polished floor with a hoof. "Where to begin? Ah yes, the skull was what made your arrival here a reality, and it seems to have some kind of profound connection to you, almost as if it's drawn to you."

Johnson grinned for a moment. "Yeah, I'm familiar with _that_ type of business."

"That, and the skull resembles the bone structure of your species' almost exactly, if your personal physical form is to be used as a point of reference in this matter. So, will you help us and try to interact with it, perhaps learning some of its secrets in the process?"

Still grinning, Johnson's skepticism gave way to his own budding curiosity towards the skull. "Why the hell not? Just give me a second, and then I'll give its shiny dome a good rubbing, maybe a genie will pop out and give us all some wishes."

"We thank thee, Sergeant Major." Luna said, bowing her head graciously.

"I wish for some fingers." The first Nightguard declared, which caused the other bat pony to finally face-hoof.

Under Luna, her strangely-behaving guards, and Flash Sentry's observation, Johnson cautiously approached the table. He examined the skull again for an extended amount of time, rubbing at his shaven head on at least a few occasions. After a few more seconds transpired, Johnson felt the hairs on his neck stand on end, as he sensed that someone nearby was watching him, closely. The Sergeant looked in the direction of his would-be stalker.

The offender–Princess Celestia–was giving the human a creepy look. After staring at him for a few more ominous seconds, the tall Alicorn said, "I have something _else_ you could possibly give a good rubbing...I reward those who are obedient, _greatly._" Her magenta eyes flew briefly to her horn, then she broke into a fierce blush.

"Your majesty?" Flash Sentry said, completely shocked by his ruler's sudden change of conduct.

_"Tia!"_ Luna half shouted, half hissed, equally taken aback by her eldest sibling's quip.

"Celestia have mercy..." The other Nightguard murmured under his breath, staring suggestively at Luna's flanks, while the first Nightguard raised an eyebrows. Sentry looked to the pair with horror at their conduct.

Wishing he still had at least one emergency Sweet William available, Johnson frowned at Celestia, as she desperately tried to get her normal composure back. "You Equestrians are all crazy." He mumbled. "Almost too crazy."

Luna looked at him helplessly, shrugging. Johnson shrugged back in return and then returned focus to the disembodied skeletal head. Looking down at it, the delicate curves of the painstakingly-carved DNA marking on the skull's crown almost seemed to sing out to Johnson, as if they were desperate to convey some great secret they held to him.

Reaching out a gloved hand tentatively towards the 'IWHBYD' skull, Johnson murmured, "Well...here goes nothing then."

As soon as his hand made contact with the bleach-white enamel surface of the bone, Johnson's mind was instantly subdued by an unexpectedly powerful flurry of activity that originated from deep within the skull itself. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and everything went black.

The world, and all its inhabitants, swiftly vanished from the Sergeant's range of mental perception, replaced instead by a cacophony of incomprehensible whispers.

Seeing the human sprawled on his back with his eyes closed, Flash Sentry looked from Johnson's prone form, then to the Princesses who were gawking in surprise. "Oh good. Somepony, quick! Grab a permanent marker and a camera!"

When sensation finally returned to Johnson with spontaneity, the sights he beheld amidst the chorus of mysterious whispers was almost beyond words.

Distorted visions of creatures that resembled pegasi, dragons, and other winged beings flashed before his mind's eye. The dragons, with immense scaled bodies of multi-hued gold, crimson, jade, and sapphire appeared to be locked in a great struggle against the pegasi. Small, dark humanoid shapes were riding on their backs.

With war cries in a language Johnson had never heard before, the humanoids fired bolts of energy at the pegasi and other winged creatures from the dragons' saddles, while the pegasi fired back similar projectiles in response. The dragons roared in kind, and spewed out precise streams of fire at the swarms of attacking pegasi, burning some to great effect.

The scene changed again, as the whispering intensified. Both pegasi and dragon alike eventually began to swerve away and break off from one another as if in panic, as new, far more massive beings took to the skies. With scales as black as the void, and teeth like massive slivers of titanium and diamond, a trio of dragon-shaped beasts issued their thunderous booms.

Their roars echoed out from the colossus' cavernous maws, carrying with them forces great enough in magnitude to trigger avalanches and landslides several leagues away.

Just when the scene seemed as if it could not become more chaotic, one of the humanoid figures shouted something amidst the clamor. Its compatriots' dragons flew far and fast in the opposite direction of the winged leviathans, while a smaller group actually approached the great beasts, as if to defy them.

The squadrons of gold and silver armor-clad pegasi warriors were nowhere to be scene, having fled to the four winds just as the beasts had arrived.

For a moment, the black-scaled behemoths roared in amusement at their enemy, apparently believing their defiance as mere shows of foolish wasted pride. However, even their mighty roars were drowned out, as the small group of dragons and their mysterious riders suddenly vanished in an immense white light, the luminescence swallowing the forms of the beasts as well.

Reminiscent of his rebirth by Luna's magics upon his arrival into Equestria, Johnson's vision was beset by the great piercing light. He mentally grimaced as the light reached a near unbearable rate of brightness, until the lambency became greater even than the Sun itself. After a while, the light dimmed, and Johnson could see only briefly what had followed in its wake.

A miniature star hung still in the sky, brighter than anything around it. It pulsated and shimmered as it slowly faded out, and that was when the sound and heat finally came.

In a titanic thunderclap, it felt as if the universe itself was torn asunder. As he shouted out, Johnson was unable to hear his own voice. All his mind now registered instead was an intense ringing, a burning sensation, and the ever-present whispering, which had now reached a crescendo in the portion of Johnson's brain that perceives sound. While the voices persisted, the vision faded out back to black, and the intense heat abated.

Finally, a single whisper stood out amongst the clamor of the others. As if acquiescing a secret upon him, the singular voice said, _"Lineage confirmed, IWHBYD skull acquired."_

There was a brief pause, while the other voices quieted their chorus. _"Collect us all, and the secrets and riches we guard, will be yours."_ With that, the voices silenced completely, and Johnson no longer felt entranced by a vision. Rather, he now felt like he was in the midst of normal sleep.

For an untold amount of time, Johnson dreamed of kittens, laser eyes, Sweet Williams, and finally the mysterious skulls, before his own biological alarm clock finally kicked into gear.

"_AHH!_ Stop whispering in my ears you bony little bastards!" Sergeant Johnson awoke with a start.

In his rather frantic movement, he had struck himself on the headboard of a rather exquisitely made four poster bed. With a low groan, Johnson pulled himself out of the velvety embrace of the cloud-like blankets and forced himself to stand up and analyze his surroundings, as well as himself.

Johnson soon discovered that he was out of his Marine Corps BDU. He was garbed instead in nothing more than his usual grey-green fatigues, his undershirt, and to his extreme confusion, vastly over sized pink slippers covering his water-proof combat socks. "Did I miss some kind of party?" He asked to himself.

The slippers were obviously designed with hoofed individuals in mind. A cursory look around yielded far more interesting discoveries for the Sergeant Major.

Long gone were the dusty tome-filled shelves and maps of the Royal Archives. Instead, Johnson was greeted by the sight of a handsomely decorated royal suite. Beams of sunshine from the early morning shone through the lavish Prench windows. In addition to the minute sunlight, several ornately crafted oil wall sconces also provided illumination.

An armoire, a chests of drawers, two shelves, a table, and various oil paintings of famous Equestrians dominated the room. The furnishings were made of some of the finest Equestrian oak and mahogany the Princesses' bits could buy.

Opposite where the stately poster bed met the exterior wall of the suite, a large gilded mirror revealed to Johnson an even more intriguing sight. A dark-haired, six-foot two, light-browned skinned man with exceptional build and dark brown eyes peered back at him awkwardly. His face was rough and weathered from his decades of service, and his upper lip was fringed by stubble, just now threatening to grow into a wild mustache underneath a prominent nose. None of these details were most intriguing about him however.

What did fascinate Johnson, was the noticeable lack of scars, or even the bruises from the Jiralhanae who had held him captive in the citadel back on the Ark. Besides the weathering brought on by his age, his skin was nearly as soft as a newborn's. That, and the fact that he now had a uni-brow hastily scribbled on his forehead.

Part of it was smudged from an obviously half-assed attempt to wipe the marker residue off. The smudge and the faux uni-brow both disappeared as the skin beneath it started to turn a slight reddish while the Sarge quaked with outrage. Someone was going to _pay_ for this, later down the road.

A few seconds passed, before Johnson set about locating his armor. To his convenience, he found it in the first place he checked, the gold-gilded steamer trunk at the foot of the large bed.

In no time, Johnson had reequipped his green armored vest, pauldrons, gloves, straps, boots, and belt, not necessarily in that order. The only thing obviously missing from his combat ensemble was his trademark hat, but the Sergeant was certain the ponies could solve that problem with their magics, along with his cigar situation.

As he kicked his Command Neural Interface into gear in his head, the familiar shape of his Heads Up Display came into view. With no weapon equipped, his targeting reticle was absent, but his health monitor was online and glowing a friendly blue. Where the shield charge readout meter on a Mark V Mjolnir suit would normally be situated, there was only empty space, for obvious reasons.

For a moment, something weird happened. Johnson said, "What the?" As the HUD suddenly distorted for a second, as a tiny skull icon flashed where the shield meter would be.

_"IWHBYD temporarily disabled."_ The icon flashed as the voice whispered. _"Collect us all."_

"Dammit, I heard you the first time, stop your whispering, it makes me feel _dirty!_ And not in a_good_ way, either." Johnson said in a slightly raised voice. The skull flashed a final time, then disappeared.

"Finally, peace and quiet." Johnson sighed and laid back down on the bed with his hands behind his head, admiring the poshness of his surroundings. "Ponies have some pretty fine taste. It certainly beats all that tacky purple. Then them goddamn Hoolahoop-builders and their silver-metal, sharp angles obsession.

While Johnson mused about alien architecture, the door to his room popped open. The form of Princess Luna then slunk into the room. "Sergeant Johnson, art thou awake?"

Looking over at her, he said, "Yep. Ready for action."

Getting a good look at him, the Princess of the Night looked relieved and smiled warmly. "Ah, tis good. We heard your shout, erm, about the whispers. We heard them from the skull as well, they were the ones who told us to find you."

"Go figure. They mentioned something about secret riches if I collect them all, something freaky like that. Does this have anything to do with that ten-foot tall lunatic's threats against Equestria?"

Luna rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, an apt question, Johnson. We are not sure, but it is quite likely. As to how Discord and the skulls are both related, we can only guess at the moment."

Johnson chuckled, setting his gloved hands on his lap and climbing out of bed once again. "Them skulls are just begging us to start a game of twenty questions." He rubbed at his still soar head. "How long have I been out, what exactly happened?"

"As soon as you rubbed the top of the skull, it vanished into the thin of the air, and you reeled over backwards drunkenly to the floor before any of us could catch you, Sergeant."

Concern returned to her face slightly and her ears tilted at an angle. "We brought you in here to rest, and had a physician examine you. While your anatomy is largely a mystery to us, he was able to perform basic tests, and found nothing awry. You have been unconscious since you made contact with the skull."

"Speaking of which, Johnson, our sister is almost complete with raising the Sun this morning. If you would join us in the throne room, we would like to discuss the matters of where you will be posted, as well as what our contingency plan will be for when more skulls appear."

"Sure." Johnson replied.

Luna's pleasant face hardened into urgency. "We fear today, or any day now, that Equestria could see once such event. And if what we understand about Discord and the skulls are correct..."

"They could appear anytime..." Johnson interjected.

Luna nodded. "...anywhere..."

"...and likely have any number of effects. Let's go get down to business then, Princess." The Sergeant finished, frowning sternly.

Luna nodded once more, slowly, and began to take her leave. Johnson accompanied her down the expansive, well decorated hall, nodding to the various guards he passed. All of the Royal Guards thankfully had no off-key comments to make, at least for now.


	6. To Ponyville

It was the late morning when Johnson had begun to prepare for his journey out of Canterlot to his new post in the heart of the country. Celestia and Luna had been efficient and thorough in explaining what he was to do and the responsibilities they were counting on him to maintain.

Celestia had issued a constant barrage of pointers to the Sergeant about the best ways to communicate and cooperate with the locals, all the while the younger sister had stood by the sidelines, concealing her embarrassment over Celestia's persistent emphasis on the importance of Johnson making good first impressions, and apologizing to the human soldier silently with her eyes.

After Princess Celestia had finally relented and allowed Johnson leave to take on his duties, Luna had sent him off with a few final brief words and some parting royal gifts. Johnson's eyes had lit up at the sight of them.

"Sweet Williams? How did you know?" The Sergeant exclaimed cheerfully as he donned a perfect replica of his marine corps hat. He straightened the hat with his thumb so that the UNSC patch aligned perfectly with the bridge of his nose, before taking the brand new cartonful of cigars into his hands.

Luna had smiled and watched amiably as he fumbled with his lighter. "We have no idea what it is about these toxic things you and the earth ponies find so pleasurable, we personally find that they smell as if a pile of manure hath been set ablaze."

Johnson tilted his head slightly and raised an eyebrow while taking a drag of the fresh cigar. "Yeah, they're not exactly for everyone. Thank you kindly, Princess.

"Nevertheless, you appear to enjoy them, and it's the least we could do to express our appreciation for your assistance. Try not to exhaust them all before the end of your journey, won't you? Tis not as if we can make them regenerate infinitely, Sergeant Major. You will have to find others elsewhere later on somehow." Luna said.

"Or, perhaps you could build and open your own tobacco plantation." She added jokingly.

"Aw, and just when I thought I was finally complete." Johnson replied. He then took the cigar out of his mouth and blew smoke out an open window nearby, then looked to Luna and shrugged.

Then, he approached the alicorn and held out a gloved hand, his face awash with seriousness and gratitude. "I wanted to say thank you again, not just for this..." He waved the cigar around. "But also, all of _this..._" He motioned towards himself, and then to everything around him. "It just feels mighty wonderful to be moving around breathing decent air again, even if there aren't anymore dumb bugs to send to hell with the front-end bumper of a 'hog."

Luna's smile turned to a full grin as she placed a hoof in Johnson's outstretched hand, and the pair shook. "You have no need to thank us. We are simply happy that we have given a worthy hero a second shot at greatness, and helped to ensure the world's safety, both all at once. For these reasons alone, we are content."

Both the alicorn and the human nodded respectfully at one another, before finally parting ways.

With everything prepared and ready, and having expressed his gratitude to the Princesses for their hospitality during his brief stay at the castle, Avery Johnson then took his leave of Canterlot, en route to his new destination via train.

Around half an hour past as Johnson observed first the retreating form of the city, then the cliffs and tunnels of the mountain slope, and then finally the rolling woods, grassland, and riverbanks of central Equestria.

Being on the ground, and yet in a moving train, Johnson could finally witness in detail the layout and character of the land itself. What he saw took his breath away even more so than when he had seen it from the lofty sky. Looking out the window adjacent to him, the Sergeant witnessed dozens of animal and plant species, quite a few of them were practically identical to various species found on Earth and the colonies.

"That there's Saddle Lake, Sergeant Major." A passing earth pony soldier on patrol declared, pausing to look out the window on his side. "The waterfalls of Canterlot feed right into her. Ain't she a beauty?" The stallion had a slightly rural accent to his voice.

"Sure. Looks good enough to swim in, I'll have to remember that whenever Princess Luna gives me some R&R." Johnson replied.

The soldier gave him a friendly half smile and nod, before continuing on his patrol, whistling a tune. Returning his gaze to the window, the sights of nature combined with the quiet clatter of the track pushed him into a mental vacation.

_I can't say I'm surprised the inhabitants of a place like this would have magic. Hell, this place almost puts the whole beauty of Coral, Harvest, Arcadia, and Reach combined to shame!_

Johnson scoffed at the thought as he pondered it again. _On second thought, this place ain't got nothing on the Great Blue Marble. As far as I'm concerned, Earth and here are in a dead-lock tie for prettiest planet of the year. Ah, but the Earth, that old girl is beautiful for more reasons than just geography._

_Seeing as how I'll probably never see Earth again, I might as well find new vacation prospects here for my future down time. I wonder if any of the ponies in the next town listen to Flip music. If so we're gonna get along just fine._

The Sergeant broke out of his musing when the train jolted suddenly without any prior warning, shaking him in his seat. No longer daydreaming, he decided to review what the Princesses had told him, to help pass the time.

Reaching into one of his largest pouches, he produced a rolled up piece of parchment. Johnson broke the wax seal with the blade of his combat knife and analyzed its contents.

As per the document, he has been instructed to report to the youngest of Equestria's alicorns, Twilight Sparkle. Ponyville, being in the heartlands of Equestria and within convenient distance to Canterlot, would be his default posting while on the lookout for potential military threats, skull manifestations that were certainly an inevitability, and any other strange phenomena that could be a potential danger to the country.

Twilight, the document said, was to provide a safe house or headquarters of sorts for Johnson to operate from, ensure he has whatever materials he might need, and that he and the local citizens were cooperating to the best of their ability to help counter Discord's activities, regardless of what form that may take.

In return, Johnson had to be ready to help mobilize Equestria's military at a moment's notice in case of a perceived or very-real threat from the Zebras in Roam. Additionally, it was the Sergeant's responsibility to help locate and contain active skulls, and to assist Princess Sparkle in keeping the town's Army garrison at peak combat readiness.

One additional note Celestia had added in read: _'Try to make some friends and allies as soon as possible, it will help you settle in faster. Friendship can be a very potent force. Good luck to you Sergeant.'_

Luna furthered the note by having added:_ 'Thou shalt enjoy thy selves as well! Overworking can instigate fatigue, which can be a grievous weakness in any army, as you should know! Stay vigilant, but don't be afraid to make merry with our subjects from time to time. Lastly, be wary when in midst of the one called Pinkie Pie! She is a bit of an...eccentric.'_

Finished reading, Johnson raised an eyebrow at the final part of Luna's note, then chanced a look around the passenger car. Flash Sentry, whom had accompanied Johnson on his way to his new posting, had his back to the human, presumably daydreaming himself. In the seats nearby, a small contingent of Royal Guards chatted quietly with one another.

"So, Mister Sentry." Sergeant Johnson said suddenly as he reclined semi-professionally in the fine velvet upholstery of his seat. "How long have you been in Equestria's Royal Guard?"

Flash Sentry, who like Johnson had been gazing out the windows for a significant portion of the journey, turned to look at him. He curled his mouth into a small smile. "Ah yes, my career. I'm pleased to know that someone such as yourself is curious about my modest background." Captain Sentry sighed nostalgically and stared into space as his memory kicked into gear.

"Not much to tell. I was born to a moderately successful middle class family in Canterlot. Mom is a blacksmith and jeweler by trade, Dad a tailor, and most of my brothers are guardsponies and soldiers, so I figured I'd follow in their hoofsteps. 'Been in the guard for nigh five years now. I started lessons at the Canterlot Officer Academy when I was ten, got enrolled in basic at fifteen, and then got officially inducted into the ranks as an honorary guard at seventeen, youngest of my class."

He spoke with a hint of pride in his voice. "I was appointed captain of the Guard after the previous one, Shining Armor, the older brother of Princess Twilight Sparkle, took leave to live in the Crystal Empire far in the North with his wife Princess Cadence. Such a beautiful place, I might add. Quite unlike the snowy polar wastes surrounding it."

Johnson took the information in with genuine interest. This was the first time he had ever heard anything in detail regarding the lives of Equestrians. "You have any combat experience?" Johnson inquired.

Sentry nodded, running one of his hooves thoughtfully over the stock of his rifle-musket. "I've witnessed and fought in a few major incidents. Three years ago: a minor land dispute between some miners and a Diamond Dog clan in the sticks outside the city of Fillydelphia. Luckily, the dogs wizened up and left when they saw the Royal Guard and the Army marching."

Hearing the name of the city, it sounded oddly familiar to Johnson, like a certain city he knew to exist on Earth. He filed the odd bit of trivia away for future reference.

The Captain's face orange-coated face twisted slightly in sadness. "Turns out that the 'miners' though, were all actually a group of unicorn anarchists from the nation of Bauhaus, illegally acquiring gems to fund a rebellion of theirs back overseas. That's near Prance, Griffonia, and Trottingham, which are all over two thousand miles to the Northeast...all the way across the Crystal Ocean. We had to clean them scum out of the mines with explosives, lost a few damn good ponies in the process."

"And then there was the Changeling Invasion of Canterlot a year and a half ago, that's where most of my field experience originates, and where I earned Shining Armor's blessing to be his successor. By Celestia, you should have seen the swarms of those insect-like monsters! I could have sworn they would have blotted out the Sun if the Elements of Harmony hadn't stopped them and their evil Queen in time."

"Don't worry Captain, I've fought through my fair share of freak swarms." Johnson replied with absolute certainty in his voice. "I can easily imagine what your describing, and _then_ some." Based on his facial expression and eyes, Sentry was willing to bet half his month's pay that the human was making far more than a mere understatement.

"I can definitely believe it, Sergeant Major." Sentry replied.

At that, the Sergeant jumped to a different thought. "Elements of Harmony? Hmm...Elements of Harmony." Johnson rubbed his chin. "Aren't those the six ponies I'm supposed to meet with in the next town?"

Sentry set his rifle down on the empty seat next to him and moved from sitting on his haunches to laying down and reclining. Not the greatest lover of travelling in the world, he was starting to develop train lag, and was feeling weary. "Yes, actually. The main one of their circle is actually the local ruler of the town and its environs now. She will be meeting with you when we arrive in Ponyville."

"Princess Twilight Sparkle?"

"The very same."

In astonishment, Johnson got up out of his seat and folded his arms over his chest. "I've been in this world for only two days, and already I've met–and are heading to meet–two, three, _four_. Four_royal_ people?!"

"So it would seem." Sentry replied with a yawn.

"Who are the other five then?" Looking down as he asked, Johnson noticed the tip of a black felt marker sticking out of one of Flash's bags next to his rifle.

"Hmm, that would have to be the mares Fluttershy, a miss Pinkamena Diane Pie...Pinkie Pie for short, if I recall correctly. Then there's Applejack, Rarity, and finally Rainbow Dash."

"_Rainbow Dash?_ Huh, what do ya know? She's actually the first of you ponies I met in the flesh. That girl has got one fiery temper, and is a bit on the cocky side, but I sense the potential for a war hero in that one. Believe me, I can smell soldier material from a mile away...among other things."

"That's right, I saw her with you on that damn dragon that you flew in on! Nice entrance, Sergeant Major. You about gave me and the Army generals all heart attacks." Sentry replied with mock irritability.

"Maybe you all just need to lay off the chocolate pound cake-rations then." Johnson jeered.

"Actually, we discontinued cakes and pastries of all kinds from the military food supply, sometime ago. Our own Princess kept sneaking into the Army kitchens and eating entire boxes of them." Flash retorted with a lazy chuckle. "Of course, being one of the Diarchs, we obviously couldn't arrest her for it, and it kept on happening despite her royal promises that she would try to control herself in the future, so...yeah."

"Which Princess was this?" Johnson asked incredulously.

"Celestia." The Captain mumbled back. He laid his head on his seat, eyelids growing heavy.

The Sergeant grinned. "Well ain't that something."

Flash Sentry did not respond this time, letting out a single loud snore as he instantly fell into a cat nap. Checking for sure that the stallion was asleep, Johnson grinned and fished out the marker from the pegasus' bag. Raising it, the marine brought the writing utensil silently towards Sentry's snoring face.

"Payback for earlier, _jackass._" He whispered mischievously. Seeing that his work was complete, Johnson put the marker carefully back where it had been found, and then casually walked out towards the middle cars, where the train's restaurant could be found. The other Royal Guards had noticed his prank, and secretly knew why Johnson had done it.

They watched the Sergeant go indifferently, then snickered quietly amongst themselves as they looked back over to stare at their Captain's face.

Two plates of stacked pancakes with maple syrup and three coffees later, Sergeant Johnson looked out the café window and noticed the buildings of Ponyville beginning to appear beyond the railroad bridge spanning the town's narrow river, which originated at Saddle Lake, the direction he had come from.

While a few of the other passengers had looked at him curiously for being a non-pony, the vast majority either paid as much attention to him as they did the other passengers, or instinctively saluted or nodded respectfully at him when they noticed the armor he was wearing. All in all, things were going quite well for Avery Johnson as he gathered his things from his portion of the passenger car and made his way out. The train had at last, finally arrived at the Ponyville Central Station.

Stepping out onto the platform, Sergeant Johnson was immediately surrounded by the hustle and bustle of Ponyville at its busiest. Dozens of ponies were hurrying to board or get off. Many had business in Canterlot or Ponyville, while some others were tourists and sightseers. A few still, were there simply using the station's open spaces as a spot to lay back and have a coffee or tea and chat with friends, sharing the news and gossip of the day.

In a few specific places, Equestrian soldiers and Royal Guards from the train marched about or stood in place, spears and muskets held in neutral positions, surveying the areas like birds of prey.

For Johnson, the entire area had a strange scent. It was a half-sweet, half-bitter mix of flowers, mare's perfumes, oil lubricant, and steam engine fumes. The whistle of the train blew several times, loud but unable to match the combined volume of the vast number of Equestrians talking at once.

Looking about the crowded platform, Johnson was looking for one of two things: the nearest information desk, or Princess Twilight and her retinue that was supposed to meet him upon arrival.

As he wandered about with his hat in his palm and the other rubbing at his head, Johnson caught tid-bits of some of the commuters' conversations. Many of the higher class ponies seemed focused on Equestrian politics and diplomacy.

"Did you hear what the Royal Court announced today? They said that the situation in Roam is getting worse."

"That's nothing. I heard a rumor that the Caesar might secretly be a distant cousin of Her Majesty Celestia, and Discord is trying to cause an international war to humiliate both monarchs over some secret grudge he has with their families."

"Oh chaps, the whole Zebra-Discord affair may be all well and dandy, but what about the recent odd behavior of the guards in Canterlot Castle?"

From the more ordinary citizens, Johnson was still able to pick up other interesting bits of news from the land, arguably more interesting than those from the aristocrats.

"Hey, hey Crescent! Did ya hear about that new type of firearm Princess Sparkle's unicorns are working on over at her workshop? They say you can fire six to eight shots before having to reload, and it even uses conical bullets! The loading mechanism is lever action, like a crossbow."

"Apparently, some archaeologists stumbled upon some kind of ruins in the swamps near the Badlands. They say they might date back to the time of Discord's rule, or perhaps earlier."

"You think it might be from the Legendary Folk? Or...or the lost cities of Atlantis and Pegasopolis perhaps?"

"Look Derpy, I think you may have been reading too many Daring-Do novels. Everyone knows those are just myths."

"I'm telling you, stay away from Sugar Cube Corner, unless you have the patience of a _stone!_The Cakes aren't being their usual selves, and that Pinkie Pie girl has been acting all crazy, _crazier than normal!_ All that darn colorful confetti..."

_"IWHBYD inactive. Birthday Party Skull nearby."_ The skull icon appeared in the corner of Johnson's vision, much like it had earlier that same morning.

Sergeant Johnson froze in an instant, holding a hand to his head in shock. The whispering voice had returned. "Oh c'mon... Give an old sergeant a break will ya?" Feeling dizzy with a slight headache, Johnson took a seat at the closest bench. His number one priority now was to find Twilight Sparkle as soon as humanly possible. From what Johnson could gather, the Princess was also a scientist and wizard. She would likely know how to cure the effects of the skulls on his mind and body.

_"Birthday Party Skull nearby."_ The whispering voice repeated. Johnson felt like shouting out in annoyance, but simply stared at the ground, rubbing his forehead irritably.

A loud sneeze brought his attention back up to his surroundings. To the human's utter surprise, a mare with a bright pink coat and vibrant blue eyes stood uncomfortably close to his face. Johnson looked down again, and discovered his lap to be covered in a large amount of colorful confetti, like one would find at a child's birthday party.

He quickly snapped his attention back to the pony, his face contorted in shock. "What the hell...?"

"Hi there! I'm Pinkie Pie!" The party pony continued to stand in front of him, grinning sweetly and awaiting his response. Johnson was silent for awhile, slowly changing from shock to casual surprise. Pinkie Pie suddenly sneezed again, covering a nearby wall in confetti. She giggled each time it occurred.

A few passing commuters flashed Pinkie Pie and Johnson bizarre looks.

Before Johnson could reply to Pinkie Pie in kind, he was cut off by the sudden arrival of Flash Sentry and a company of Royal Guards, the same ones Johnson had seen earlier.

"Sergeant Johnson? Where were you? We were supposed to escort you to see Princess Sparkle." Sentry had begun to use his posh Canterlot accent once again, on account of the massive amount of civilians around him. "She just told us via communication spell that she can't make it here to welcome you to Ponyville, on account of an ongoing incident in one of the town's local businesses...a bakery I believe."

Flash Sentry looked from Johnson to Pinkie Pie. "Ah, hello Miss Pie, how convenient! You're one of the six ponies we're looking for. Having a lovely day I hope?" Sentry cleared his throat, and looked to the Sergeant. "Shall we take our leave of the station and go to see Her Majesty, Sergeant Major?"

It was then that Sentry finally noticed everyone staring silently at him. The pegasus scowled in outrage. "Oh _brother!_ What is it this time?"

"Weird day, but a lovely one Mister Sentry, thanks for asking!" Pinkie Pie said cheerfully, unfazed by the guardspony's sudden bout of anger. She pointed a hoof at his face, and he narrowed his eyes in confusion. "That's a funny looking black mustache you have there Flashie! I thought your mane was blue!"


	7. Pinkie Pie's 'Party' Problem

"Ugh, I beg your pardon? Miss Pie, what are you talking about? Of course it's blue, and I don't have a..." Flash Sentry's rapid stammering ceased to an abrupt halt.

Pinkie Pie, still slightly invading Sergeant Johnson's personal space, had her head tilted at Flash Sentry and a sweet smile on her face, slightly perplexed at his appearance. Johnson himself had a grin slowly spreading across his normally serious face, and seemed to have temporarily recovered from the pink-colored stranger's sudden, confetti-laden greeting.

At Sentry's side, his own guardsponies burst out laughing, dropping their weapons and falling to the grey flagstone floor of the station platform. The stallions rolled around on their backs, clutching their stomachs and quivering with mirth. Their faces were alight with a childlike glee.

Passing commuters swerved to avoid them all, murmuring words of bemusement, annoyance, and outrage as they passed. The entirety of the theatrics was enough, and Flash Sentry was able to put two and two together. His sapphire eyes widened as he peered at Johnson.

Still grinning, Johnson pointed to a tiny smudge of permanent marker still lingering near his right eye, in the upper left corner.

"How did you find out it was _me?_" Sentry blurted out, ditching his posh Canterlot accent in an instant. Flash Sentry's own face betrayed him, turning a deep crimson color beneath his coat of fur.

Johnson joined in the guards' laugh at Sentry's expense, then folded his arms nonchalantly. "You should learn to cover your own tracks a little better, Captain."

"Hey...c'mon, it was the skull's fault, alright?"

The skull icon appeared in the corner periphery of Johnson's vision again. _"The pegasus lies. He was fully in control of his faculties. Birthday Party Skull nearby."_ The icon flashed twice before vanishing again.

"Thanks, and I _know._ At least give me some kind of warning instead of constantly popping up like that, ya damn bug!" Pinkie Pie turned her own smile into a grin as she observed Johnson talking sternly to himself.

Simultaneously, Pinkie rubbed at her muzzle, as if she had a runny nose. Confetti appeared in her hoof whenever she withdrew, much to her bizarre combination of confusion and delight.

Having said his piece to the now ubiquitous skulls, Sergeant Johnson changed focus to Flash Sentry again."You ain't fooling anybody, son. IWHBYD noggin says so." He retorted, turning serious again. The guards ceased their tirade and watched their own commanding officer and the human officer carefully, like excursionists observing an ongoing public disturbance.

Recovering from his initial fit of anger, shock, and finally embarrassment, Sentry took a breath and frowned. He held both his forelegs in the air, causing his musket strapped onto his back to shift around lightly. "Alright, _alright!_ You caught me. I'm sorry, human. I just could not resist.

Sentry rubbed at his blue mane awkwardly. "You see, I've been itching to do that to somepony for a month now, and your arrival and the skull provided the perfect opportunity." He grimaced slightly as Johnson's facial expression hardened, expecting a harsh rebuke to be in the making.

Instead, Johnson simply shifted back to his original, mischievous grin. "We're even for now, Sentry." He pointed a finger directly at him. "For _now._"

Pinkie Pie sneezed again, shooting confetti onto Flash Sentry's 'mustachioed' face. In response, Sentry cleared his throat even more awkwardly. "Ah, well then. Miss Pie, I see you've introduced yourself to the Sergeant Major here?"

Having kept quiet for an uncharacteristically long time, Pinkie Pie nodded fervently. She held out her hoof to a slightly exasperated Sergeant Johnson. "Hiya, again! My name's Pinkie Pie in case you forgot. Pinkie for short, if you'd like!"

Her grin alone indicated to Johnson that he had never encountered a being such as Pinkie Pie before. Strangely enough, her curly pink mane almost made him want to approach her and run his fingers through it. It could have been made of cotton candy for all he knew.

Unsure of how to respond to someone with such a high level of energy, he cautiously grasped her hoof and shook. Johnson grunted in astonishment at how quickly Pinkie Pie shook back. His arm and her foreleg were a blur for a brief moment, much like a humming bird's wings. Flash Sentry almost developed something akin to vertigo just by watching them.

"Lady, you have one helluva shake there. Nice to meet you, Pinkie." Johnson said finally as they broke the grip, trying to regain feeling in his hand and forearm as the pink mare grinned at him.

"My name's Avery Johnson, but that's Sergeant Johnson to you. " He shot a brief glance at the balloon symbols on her flank, and curled his lips in a smile. "Nice tattoo there. Let me guess, you throw birthday parties for the kiddies?"

For a moment, Pinkie Pie appeared confused. "Tattoo?" Then she noticed Johnson's line of sight and grinned again. "Oh, that's just my cutie mark. Everybody gets them at a certain age once they've discovered their special talents or interests! And boy, oh boy do I love throwing parties! I've made it one of my personal goals in life to make everypony I encounter smile whenever they're feeling blue!"

Johnson raised an eyebrow. _Cutie mark? What kind of candy-ass name for a highly symbolic tattoo is that?_ "Really? What's your usual success rate, Pinkie Pie?" He queried.

Pinkie Pie bounced up and down a few times. "One hundred and ten percent, Mister Sergeant! One of the best ways is through hilarious pranks!" Pinkie glanced at Flash Sentry's face and giggled. "Like the one you pulled off on Captain Sentry here."

Flash Sentry's frown deepened and his ears flattened, while his guards stifled giggles. Johnson, meanwhile put his hands to his hips. "Oh that business, yeah just a little payback is all." He chuckled, noticing that Sentry was growing restless.

The armored pegasus continuously shifted his gaze towards the streets of Ponyville beyond the station, stamping his hoof methodically. "Well, it's been a pleasant little meet and greet here on the platform, but I think we've all been standing here a bit too long. Better muster out."

"Okie dokie." Pinkie Pie replied cheerfully, sneezing again shortly thereafter. The stray masses of confetti decorating the platform floor were liable to drive a custodian insane sometime later that day.

Sentry sighed in relief. "Right-o! Sergeant Major, if you'll follow us, we'll show you to Princess Twilight's estate. It's not far at all." Flash Sentry reacquired his official mode of speech, and his guards sobered up into their usual statue-like aura of sternness as the party of soldiers trotted out into town. "Feel free to accompany us if you like, Miss Pie."

Johnson, who had already moved to follow the others, lurched back slightly in surprise as Pinkie Pie practically teleported to his right. "Sounds good to me! I better check on Sugar Cube Corner, and it's on the way."

"_How?_" Sergeant Johnson whispered, leaning towards her ear.

A casual shrug was Pinkie Pie's response. "I dunno." She held a hoof to her chin in though as they promenaded down the cobblestone road. Johnson fetched a cigar from a pouch and lit it.

"Hmm, all my friends tell me I'm just random. I've personally never really given it much thought. I'm always too busy helping the Cakes, hanging out with the girls, or turning frowns upside down!"

The human grunted, keeping pace with her and puffing out smoke on occasion. "I also have Pinkie Sense." Pinkie Pie added suddenly.

"Say what?"

"Pinkie Sense! Whenever something important or interesting is about to happen, I get a tail twitch."

"You mean...like _clairvoyance?_"

Pinkie Pie nodded. "You betcha, although it's not always easy to see coming. There's a complex system involved in interpreting it. Twilight refers to my ability as 'extrasensory cognitive perception syndrome', or something sciency like that. She's such a silly-filly!"

Based on what he's seen of Pinkie Pie, Johnson figured the mare's claims probably weren't too far from the truth. "Well, what do ya know? That's some freaky stuff right there."

Pinkie Pie giggled again. "You're telling me. At least it seems to be helpful, _mostly_. Nopony's ever gotten hurt from my predictions on their own." Her eyes closed and her smile grew brighter. "Only when they ignore them." Pinkie Pie then opened her eyes again and pouted her lip in slight sadness.

"Always a shame when that happens."

Sensing he was bordering on some rather choppy waters with the mare, he decided to swing the conversation around. "So, what happened to bring you to the train station at the same time I arrived?"

Like the flip of a switch in a darkened room, Pinkie's face lit up into her usual innocent-looking cheerfulness in a heartbeat. "I heard from Twilight in advance that you were coming! It's an obsession of mine to energetically welcome new arrivals to Ponyville."

"And you actually pull this off on a _weekly_ basis?"

Pinkie Pie's eyes twinkled. "Of course silly! No visit or stay here would be complete without a warm welcome, wouldn't you say?"

"Well, I guess so." Johnson conceded, raising his hat and rubbing at his shaven scalp. "Folks do need a reminder of the world's delights from time to time. Morale is everything!"

"Exactly!" Pinkie Pie replied, raising her cheery voice slightly, nearly breaking into a bounce. "And I'm the mare to help do the reminding." She sneezed slightly.

The conversing duo were now in the market of town, trailing slightly behind Flash Sentry and his soldiers. Like the train station, the market was bustling with ponies from all walks of life. Dozens went about their business, making deals, delivering goods, posting town information, and divulging news and pitching various products to passerby.

Numerous market goers however, regarded Pinkie Pie with alarm and worry, and carefully avoided the confetti she discharged upon the ground as if it were a bucket of plague-tainted water.

This was something the party pony picked up immediately. "_Sheesh,_ it's not even just the Cakes who've been acting different, most of the town's been giving me weird looks. Well, some of them already do that, but more so than usual!" Pinkie Pie frowned suspiciously.

As soon as she finished her statement, Pinkie Pie sneezed up more confetti, _again._ She looked at the colorful substance on her hoof from time to time as they proceeded on. "Ooh, more confetti!"

Johnson paused abruptly in the middle of the road, accidentally letting his cigar slip out of his mouth. "Missy, you better go see a doctor soon! Does your nose always do that?"

"Nope, this has only been happening for the past few days I think." She replied, as cheerfully as ever.

_Might be the damn Birthday Party Skull. Is it friggin inside her head or something? But then again, the first skull would be going crazy right now, and it hasn't said anything since the train station._ "Have you seen any strange looking skulls with weird symbols carved in them around here lately, Miss PIe?"

To Sergeant Johnson's surprise, Pinkie Pie darted off in the direction of a multistory establishment that Johnson thought resembled oddly enough, a giant gingerbread house.

"Sorry that's Sugar Cube Corner gotta go now it was nice talking to you pay us a visit some time soon bye!" Pinkie Pie vocalized the entire sentence without pause, whilst at full gallop. Johnson stood gawking, watching her go, thinking quite sincerely that he had just personally encountered one of Equestria's own living Unsolved Mysteries.

"Sergeant Johnson, Princess Twilight Sparkle's manor is just this way!" Flash Sentry called from further down the street. Johnson realized he had been standing there staring at Sugar Cube Corner longer than he originally thought.

"Don't worry, I'm on my way." Johnson lit a second cigar and stared at the bakery suspiciously.

The human could have sworn he heard strange dancing music coming from inside, and multi-hued confetti taped to the windows. In addition, the skull icon flashed briefly in his periphery. It couldn't have all just been mere coincidence. Grunting with semi-dismissive apprehension, Johnson reluctantly rejoined Sentry's group on their journey through the town.

Twilight's royal residence stuck out instantly amid the surrounding buildings and properties like a chunk of ice in the middle of a rainforest.

Quite unlike the cozy, humble rural architecture for which the town was famous for, this manor house stood tall, proud, and imposing over its neighbors. Three stories high, it was erected in the Canterlot fashion, which made the house an instant pinnacle of Equestrian craftsmanship.

The exterior was a palette of predominately whites and golds with the occasional splash of purple and silver from drapes, windowsills, and shutters. The black tiled roof was tall and graceful, accented by the occasional turret or chimney, as well as a clever system of gutters and miniature aqueducts that carried rainwater away to parts unknown from Sergeant Johnson's vantage point out front.

The entire manor and grounds, located conveniently close to Town Hall, was separated from the public spaces by a perimeter of polished granite and limestone walls. They were topped with a much shorter wrought iron fencing, which also comprised the makeup of the main gate. Well tended moss draped over the surrounding walls and exterior of the manor at pleasing locations. Trimmed hedges and orderly shrubs lined the side of the house, and Johnson could just make out what resembled a miniature grove of verdant trees around back.

Approaching the entry gate, Johnson took note of a violet-colored, six-pointed star banner peering prominently down at him from its perch above the front door.

Two of the Royal Guards moved ahead of their Captain and opened the gate for the rest of them. Two additional guards who had already been their gave them all pleasant greeting, before resuming their patrol of the grounds.

Everyone ascended the marble steps, fringed by elaborately cut balustrades. With their sheer detail, everything just seemed too out of place in such a quaint, quiet rural town. While the guards proceeded to repeat the process they had utilized to open the gate a second ago, Johnson scrutinized the entrance.

Even it had no expense spared in its design. The sturdy double doors-both of handsome oak-were flanked by two columns holding up a sizeable arch. Within the arch were several carved reliefs of the various species of pony engaging in various poses, each carving cut down to the most minute amount of detail. The doors themselves were accented by twin handles, and a single polished brass knocker on the upper midsection of the right door.

The doors had so much shine and varnish applied on them, Johnson was certain one would slip and fall if they were to put it on the ground and attempt to walk across it. He had seen such old-fashioned architecture only in old movies and internet vids. The massive amount of opulence and grandeur threatened to overwhelm his eyes.

As the pair of guards and their colleagues neared the doors, Sentry paused at their rear and turned to look at Johnson. "Alright, Sergeant Major. You're about to meet the local ruler, the Princess of Ponyville.

Sentry's face became as no-nonsense as Johnson's default expression. "While she may be the junior of the Alicorn rulers, and will likely attempt to dissuade you from doing so, I encourage you to address her the same way you have addressed Celestia and Luna in the past. There is royal protocol and tradition to be observed, after all."

Quickly, Flash switched to his native friendly expression and accent on a dime. "I'm sure it's nothing you should have trouble handling, Johnson."

Finally having taken his fill of the architecture, Johnson puffed the last of his cigar and prepared to reply. One of the unicorn guards at his side promptly teleported the cigar away for him.

"Ayep. I'm familiar with addressing authority with proper respect. Let's get things in motion." Johnson paused, forgetting something. "Oh, Sentry, before we go inside...your face." He grinned.

Sentry flashed him a look that effectively said _'Oh shit'_, and he had a unicorn guard, the same one, erase the offending marker drawing loitering on his muzzle.

"Good on you, Johnson! Good on you chap!" The Captain was speaking Canterlot-ese again. Johnson silently decided would never get used to how quickly Flash Sentry could switch between accents like that, no matter how much time he might spend around him in the foreseeable future.

Without further ado, the guards gracefully knocked on the door. There was a brief moment of awkward silence as they all stood there, awaiting a response.

At last, the group heard hoofsteps from the inside. There was a jangling of a heavy chain, the loosening of deadbolts, and then finally the right door opened with a hefty groaning of thick wood and metal. Johnson and the others beheld the tuxedo-wearing form of a butler.

The unicorn, of whom Johnson reckoned to be in his late middle ages, had a dining towel draped smartly over the curve of his left foreleg, and a piece of parchment with quill hovered in the air before him. In addition to his handsome suit that ended in white tassels on his back, the stallion donned a pair of black loafers, possessed a cutie mark resembling a musical note, and his greying mane was neatly slicked in a style typical of servants of aristocracy.

"Yes?" He greeted them in a posh, heavily exaggerated accent that rivaled Sentry's own. Why slightly gravelly with age, the stallion's voice still had a pleasant ring to it, accent notwithstanding. Suddenly, his violet eyes twinkled in recognition. "Ah, Captain Sentry, for what do I owe the honor of your visit?"

"We're here to hold audience with Her Majesty shortly, Mister Melody. I have here with me, the hero Princess Luna has spoken with Her Majesty at length about."

Taking that as his cue, Johnson took off his cap and held out a hand to the butler, smiling lightly. "Name's Avery Johnson, Sergeant Major. It's a pleasure."

Mister Melody appeared genuinely surprised at the human's gesture. He stammered out his response as they both shook. "Err, yes, yes to you as well. Oh my, a Sergeant Major, but of what army, old boy?" Melody regained enough of his composure to let out a hearty chuckle, setting the quill and paper down on a lectern near him.

"Well certainly not the _Equestrian_ Army I'd wager?"

"Afraid not sir, at least not at the moment. Up until recent events, I was a soldier in the United Nations Space Command Defense Force, kicking alien ass in another universe. That's my life service record in a spiffy little nutshell, Mister Melody."

The butler took in the minute information with eyes of bewilderment, before once again regaining a calmer air. Finally, he replied. "This UNSC sounds like it was quite an impressive force."

Johnson winked. "Oh, if only I could share with you all the _true_ power of the Corps!" He sighed in resignation. "Ah, but that's from another world. Hell, probably from another time period even. It's all for the better I suppose."

Mister Melody looked around for a moment at the pegasi and unicorns behind Johnson and Sentry, eyeballing their silver and gold armor. "You know Sergeant Major, my daughter always likes to play her cello around the parade grounds up in Canterlot when she's not on tour. She often visits me with tales of an army that's in need of proper leaders."

"It is said that the Princesses have favored the Royal Guard for so bloody long, that our Army suffers for it. There is opportunity there for you, Sergeant Major. Of that, I am certain." The butler ended with a wink before Flash Sentry caught his attention.

Armies were like muscles in a way. If they are neglected and not allowed to flex their power to its full potential from time to time, they run the risk of wasting away or worse-turning into _fat_. Of this, Avery Johnson was more than aware.

Johnson's smile grew, as he knew what the old butler was getting at. One thing was certain to the Sergeant, his imminent involvement with Equestria's military forces was almost a definite certainty; if not an unavoidable eventuality.

"Well, while I'm sure that interests the Sergeant _quite_ considerably, Mister Melody, I simply must insist that we commence his audience with Princess Sparkle as soon as possible." Sentry had a sting to his words, hinting at a slight vexation of his.

Instantly, the cheerfulness from the old stallion's face vanished, replaced instead by professionalism. There was a uniform monotony to his weathered features, no doubt from years of constant practice. "Her Majesty is not here at the moment, _good_ sir. I'm afraid to inform you, that Princess Sparkle is still investigating the odd phenomena occurring at the local Sugar Cube Corner store."

"Could we perhaps at least have dialogue with her assistant Spike then?"

"He is currently at the Princess' side as we speak."

"Oh, ugh well then, could we perchance remain here for her return then, perhaps? Would that be acceptable, Marius? Mister Johnson here has traveled a long way by train and I'm sure he would enjoy a moment or two of respite, is that not right?" Flash Sentry tilted his helmeted head at Johnson with an eyebrow raised.

"No, it would make more sense to just go to the Princess directly."

"Why not just seek Princess Sparkle out directly?"

Johnson and Melody had spoken in unison, and they both shared a smile only two cut-to-the-chase pragmatists would be able to form. Sentry now had both eyebrows raised, looking from the human to the unicorn in exasperation. "Very good, off to Sugar Cube Corner it is, then." Flash Sentry said with a sigh of defeat. He stamped his hoof on the marble stoop to catch his guards' attention. Their ears perked up and they instinctively gave salutes.

"Good day, Marius Melody." Sentry called out as he and the guards trotted down the stairs and up the rosebush-lined stepping stone path to the gate. Johnson was slow to catch up, hesitating.

"Little royal blighters, think they're too good for Celestia's Army." Mister Melody grumbled under his breath. He noticed Johnson still lingering halfway down the path. "Oh, yes?"

Johnson shot another smile at him. "It was a pleasure Mister Melody, you seem like the type that have your head on straight. I'll see you around." The human quickly jogged off after Sentry.

Melody stood there, waving in bemusement. "What a strange fellow." The heavy oak doors telekinetically closed behind him with a definite thud, like a judge's gavel.

Suspicion dominated Sergeant Johnson's mind again as he and the others stood in front of Sugar Cube Corner. The streets were still busy and bustling, nothing abnormal or out of place there. Merchants still hawked their wares from nearby stalls, and everything positively screamed, _'business as usual'_.

That was, save for one small detail. Nobody approached the pleasant looking establishment willingly. It was obviously open for business, lights could be seen spilling out from the confetti-laced windows, and the strange dance music that had accosted Johnson's ears earlier did so again.

"Ugh, that racket is going to drive half the town bonkers in no time!" Sentry nearly shouted, covering his ears as they moved to enter.

"Believe it or not, I've heard worse. Some human music would probably make you drop dead." Johnson replied with an air of certainty, having to raise his voice slightly as well.

"No doubt." Sentry pushed open the door, and allowed his guards to troop in first, before he and Johnson entered. "I wonder what in Tartarus the Cakes are up to playing something like this, I thought they were just simple bakers, and..." Flash stopped dead. "What in Celestia's name?"

_"Birthday Party skull nearby."_

"Sweet...mercy..." Johnson added. Both of their jaws dropped in almost comical proportions. The Royal Guards slowly backed away, their forelegs raised in nervousness.

The candy shop and bakery had been turned into something akin to a hybrid Manehattan nightclub, and a children's party supply store that had just been ransacked by burglars.

Confetti was strewn over almost every conceivable stretch of the checkered floor, while streamers, a plethora of colored balloons, and more falling confetti dominated the ceiling. Upon several of the tables, sat the crumbs and wrappers of what Johnson reasoned were once delicious pastries, candies, cakes, and other sugary delicacies favored by Equestrians the world over.

None of this was what particularly threw them all off however. What did, was the inhabitants of the room.

Johnson recognized Pinkie Pie at once. She was to his right, near one of the booths where customers would normally sit at. Pinkie Pie was doing some type of strange dance that seemed choreographed to the music. She climbed atop the table, standing straight up on her hind legs and pumping her forelegs in the air like a punk rocker. Pinkie was grinning, and her eyes were alight with mirth.

The Cakes were on the opposite side of the large room, and were doing a similar dance as Pinkie Pie. What customers there were, seemed to be dancing as well. In addition to them, a white-coated unicorn with sun glasses was operating a turntable near Pinkie Pie. If any of them noticed the newcomers, they did not indicate it.

_"Birthday Party Skull has been located."_The skull icon returned, flashing as energetically as ever. _"Collect us."_

"What the hell's going on in here?" Johnson inquired loudly, mentally scowling at the skull talking to him.

At the far end of room, straight ahead, was someone or something hiding under a conjured magic shield. It's surface pulsated with a lavender-violet aura. From within, a feminine voice shouted. "Who is that?"

"Shhh, what if its more of those weird phantom things, do you want them to hear us?" A second masculine voice hissed, barely audible amid the din of the dance music. The feminine voice under the shield groaned in frustration, but said nothing more.

Sentry ventured a step forward. "We are here with Sergeant Johnson! Your Majesty, are you..."

There was a loud scratching noise as the unicorn disk jockey abruptly stopped the track, cutting off both the music and Flash Sentry mid-sentence.

All the 'party goers' finally acknowledged their presence, and each gave Johnson and the Royal Guards creepy grins. Without warning, they increased the pace of their dancing as the unicorn DJ started the music back up. They quickly began to form a rough circle around the room, with everyone facing the center.

To Johnson and Sentry's further dismay, a wink of light erupted in the center of the party circle. When it dissipated, a skull appeared. It wasn't alone either. With it, warped in a small group of incorporeal pegasi warriors. Their armor was barely distinguishable, and their faces were obscured, save for identical pairs of glowing white eyes.

The pegasi ghost soldiers nonchalantly wandered about, occasionally breaking into dance with some of the living party goers, or flaring about drunkenly, ghostly tankards of an unknown alcohol poorly balanced in their transparent wings. None of them paid any attention to Johnson or his companions.

All the Sergeant and the Royal Guards could do was merely stand there, scratching their heads and fondling their weapons cautiously. Everything became even weirder, when the skull summoned up more ghostly guests.

A few transparent humanoid figures appeared on the opposite side of room. Like the pegasi, they were donning some type of body armor or plating. The details of their faces and overall shape were heavily obscured. Only their white eyes could be made out with definitive detail. Also like the pegasi, many of the spectral soldiers appeared to be in the midst of merrymaking and revelry.

For a few seconds, Johnson watched the motley assortment of entities in the room throw a rather bizarre party, then Pinkie Pie seemed to finally notice Johnson's presence. She stopped dancing and walked up to him, still grinning.

"Hey, it's Johnson and the Captain again! Hi there, you're all late to the party you silly-billies! But lucky for you, we're getting ready for the main event now!" Pinkie Pie said.

"M...main event?" Flash Sentry murmured shakily, heavily disturbed by the sudden paranormal manifestation of revelry spirits before his very eyes.

"Uh huh, the Birthday Party Skull tells me it was just getting started!" Pinkie Pie sneezed out a hefty amount of confetti. She quickly recovered and bounced twice. "Say, do you guys like party games?"

Holding his hands at his hips warily, Johnson replied. "Sure. What _kind_of games?"

"I dunno, let's find out!" Pinkie Pie turned back to face the skull, and Johnson, Sentry, and the guards followed suit. The music picked up, and suddenly the excrement hit the proverbial fan.

Dropping his ghostly flagon of ale, one of the humanoid ghosts finally seemed to notice the presence of the pegasi. He reeled back and pointed a gauntleted finger at the pony specters. "Ahh!_Equinoki, pegazah!_" The soldier and his fellows drew instruments resembling pistols.

The pegasi soldiers also jumped backed in surprise, hastily equipping similar weapons in their wings. One of the larger pegasi had a saddle appear on his back. Attached to it were twin heavy rifles. "Eh, contacts! The enemy reveals itself my brothers! You're dragons aren't around to save you this time fools!" The ghost shouted. "Shoot to kill, shoot to _kill!_"

In a heartbeat, both ghost squads fired their weapons at each other, not bothering to take cover. The projectiles reminded Johnson instantly of Covenant plasma pistols and rifles, but far more sophisticated.

"Oh no, the ghost people are back, and they're going at it again too!" The masculine voice under the shield whined.

"Don't worry, they'll all be gone again in a little while." The other occupant declared.

"_Crap!_" Sentry shouted, trying to drown out the intense music. "Guardsponies, on me, ready your weapons!" Both he and Johnson took cover behind a vacant table they overturned. The other guards either retreated to the cover of the doorway, or overturned another table and settled there.

Flash Sentry chanced a peek over cover. All could note before his fearful instincts forced him to duck again, was that none of the spectral warriors' projectiles did any damage to the living, nor to the environment around them, passing through them instead.

Whenever a ghost's round impacted another, the specter cried out in pain, confetti and loose ectoplasm vented out instead of blood.

A pegasus ghost was struck in the head by one of the humanoid ones, who shouted in triumph. "_Aehta Tudjesa!_" The pegasus disintegrated into a pile of ectoplasmic goop, but not before his enemy joined him on the floor when the large pegasus' heavy rifles blew the biped away.

Some of the ghosts did not even possess firearms, and instead used their tankards, bottles, or even spectral party supplies as impromptu weapons in the skirmish.

From cover, Johnson watched the theatrics continue. The 'party goers' were still dancing, the DJ was still playing, and the battle dragged on. Every time a ghost soldier was hit in the head, a popping noise issued out with a rush of confetti, followed soon after by the disembodied sounds of cheering children.

Pinkie Pie stood near Johnson, out in the open. She observed the strange warfare with a grin, and giggled with delight whenever a head shot occurred near her.

A humanoid soldier fell right in front of Pinkie Pie. She curiously picked up his pistol in her hoof. The weapon's trigger housing was far too small for her to grasp it. "Hey, let me see that." The Sergeant said quickly.

"Okay. These sure are some of the weirdest party favors I've ever seen!" Pinkie Pie remarked cheerfully, handing it over.

"You're telling me." Johnson replied back. He hefted the spectral gun in his hands, surprised that he could actually hold it. The weapon pulsed with energy in his hand like a plasma pistol, yet it handled almost like an M6 magnum. He stood up and aimed the pistol.

"What are you doing?" Sentry asked urgently.

"Crashing this party, it's getting old fast!"

Flash Sentry nodded, and motioned to his guards to collect the weapons of the fallen ghost pegasi nearest them. Johnson fired a bolt of plasma at the nearest humanoid. It caught the soldier in his chest.

"Ooooaah!" Dramatically, the spirit clutched at his chest and toppled over, disintegrating. The biped left mostly confetti in his wake.

"Party's over you dumb spectral bugs! This place is meant for the living!" Johnson shouted. His and the Royal Guards' confiscated ghost pistols fired at the same time all around the room.

Two minutes past as party ghost after party ghost was struck down by plasma fire. Finally, only the saddled pegasus and a single biped soldier were left remaining. The pegasus had apparently run out of ammunition, and the humanoid had traded its gun for a pinata stick.

The pair stared at each other for a tense second before charging, getting into a wrestling bout.

In the center of the circle of ponies, the skull glowed with eldritch confetti emerging from its eye sockets. Without warning, the cranium zapped the two struggling spirits with its magic, turning them into one large biped donning a conical party hat and a mask in the distinct shape of the skull. The pinata stick, with no pinata to be found, had grown in size to fit properly in the being's massive hands.

Standing as tall as an M'Galekgolo, the party entity faced Johnson and roared, breaking into a charge.

Unlike its smaller counterparts, this ghost was able to manipulate the objects around it, and effect the living. Ponies scrambled out of the way, or were rudely shoved by the spirit as it advanced.

"What the hell is that?" Johnson shouted.

"Shoot it! Drop it, stop it, just everyone do something!" The male voice in the shield bubble pleaded.

Having reached their cover, the party beast peered down at Johnson through his mask and said in a deep thick, barely comprehensible voice. "Happy Birthday." It then raised the large pinata stick high, intending to swing it down like a mace.

"Let em' have it!" Johnson shouted.

Everyone fired plasma rounds at the beast. They hit it square in the chest, leaving confetti in their wake. The beast reeled back, trying to protect its masked face from fire. Another volley of plasma sealed its doom. The party beast emitted an ear-shattering roar and flailed its massive arms in the air, before exploding. Thousands of chunks of colorful confetti and buckets of goo splattered all across the floor. The green energy substance hung from surfaces almost like snot.

Laying the middle of the goop pile, was the skull itself. Wasting no time, Johnson rushed forward and collected the skull in his gloved hand. "You're mine now, ya little bastard."

On cue, the skull icon flashed once. "Birthday Party Skull acquired."

At the same exact time, everyone inside Sugar Cube Corner seemingly returned to normal. There was a shriek from the direction of the Cakes.

"Who is going to clean this up! We can't run a business with conditions like _this!_" Mr. Cake cried out.

To the couple's relief, the ectoplasm and confetti vanished at once. So as well did the spectral objects, weapons, and the skull itself.

"Oh, thank the stars that nightmare is over!" A rather flustered, ashen Captain Sentry proclaimed, still shaking from having seen ghost for the first time. Johnson patted him on the shoulder.

"You're damn right its over! I'll have to show that darn skull how to throw a real party sometime." Johnson and Sentry nodded, then the human turned his gaze upon the magic shield. "Princess, you can all come out now. The 'party' is over."

The shield quickly gave way with a quiet whir of energy. A short alicorn and a slightly shorter young dragon stumbled out and looked at the room in a slight daze. The Princesses' magenta eyes darted warily from corner to corner, before resting on Johnson and the others.

"Oh, thank goodness! I thought we would have to stay under that shield for an eternity after that darn skull trapped us in here!" The Alicorn tilted her head slightly at Pinkie Pie. "Why didn't you tell us this whole thing was caused by one of Discord's skulls in the first place, Pinkie? You could have saved us a whole bucket load of trouble, and you made me miss my royal duty of welcoming Sergeant Major Johnson here!"

Pinkie Pie's hair deflated slightly and she averted her eyes from the Princess. "I wasn't completely sure it was a skull, Twily! I just assumed the Cakes had suddenly decided to throw some uber-epic super-duper dance party, and well of course I wanted to be a part of it!"

Ponyville's ruler groaned in frustration. "Alright, alright Pinkie. I believe you." Pinkie Pie cheered up largely at her words. Sighing, she turned to Johnson, and smiled warmly at him. "And you must be the Sergeant Major I presume, the one Luna has told me about?"

"In the flesh."

The alicorn nodded. "Then on behalf of the citizens of this town, I'd like to personally offer my gratitude to you for collecting this skull and ending the Cake's woes. Perhaps with the cursed artifact under your care, this town can return to some semblance of normalcy." She held the other hoof to her muzzle. "Although I think I'll maintain that moratorium on confetti in this town for _quite_ some time longer."

"Psst, introduce yourself already! Give the _official_ welcome" The dragon urged.

"Oh yeah! Your right Spike!" The Princess appeared slightly embarrassed for a second, chuckling lightly. "My apologies, my mind can be very...overactive sometimes." She held out her hoof to Johnson.

"My name's Twilight Sparkle, ruler of Ponyville and former student of Princess Celestia." Twilight's smile turned into a friendly grin, and she bowed her head, almost in a joking fashion, as if mocking the excess formality. "Hail to thee, Sergeant Johnson. I doth bid you welcome to our fair town of Ponyville."

They both shook. "A pleasure, Princess Sparkle, a fine pleasure." Johnson withdrew his hand and folded his arms over his chest. "So, when shall we get down to business?"

"Ah yes, you were sort of 'posted' here by Celestia and Luna weren't you?" Johnson nodded.

"Alright, let us return to my manor first. This isn't really something I'd like to discuss in open public like this. Everything's too...state sensitive, you understand."

"Your Majesty, is there anything else you need, or will that be all of the Royal Guard you require?" Flash Sentry asked.

"No, I'm quite content Captain. You and your guards may be on your way to Canterlot at your leisure. My own guards can escort Spike, our guest, and myself back sufficiently." Based on Twilight's tone of voice, its possible there was a _'go, shoo!'_ left unspoken somewhere in her words. Sentry nodded quickly, saluted, then marched back towards the town's train station, his neat rank of soldiers following closely behind.

"Well, let us be off then, we should..." Twilight began, right as Pinkie Pie sneezed one last time into her hoof. This one was larger than any before it.

"Hey, guys..." Pinkie held something, and moved it around to show her and Johnson. "...lookie here! It's a note from Discord!"

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter will delve a little deeper into Equestria's military and weapons technology, as I'm certain the presence of gunpowder, among other things, has raised at least a few eyebrows and even more questions.**


End file.
